A Second Shot At Love
by jezzeria
Summary: Edward never returned in New Moon, now a century after Bella's death a strange twist of events is happening. Could Edward have a second chance? Inspired by the FF Save You Smut advisory AU
1. Surprise

The story that inspired me to write this was Save You by Bella C'ella Luna

Oh yea yea and I own nothing, SM owns all….including me!!! Lol

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It had been almost a century since Bella had been buried. I closed my eyes as the pain hit me, realizing how soon I would have to endure that anniversary. And I still hated myself. After I left her I was so sure I was doing the right thing. I checked up on her yearly of course, sometimes longer, but never overstepping my boundaries. I never stopped longing for her, but over the years I became numb to the pain. Until the day she died. I had gone to see her in the hospital, and she was just as beautiful as ever to me, even at 90 years old. Her face lit up as usual, and she asked me for one last kiss. Who was I to deny her? I held her to my chest than as she took her last breath, taking my heart with it. I'd wanted to stay with her longer, but soon doctors and nurses were coming in to take care of her body. I stood in the shadows as they buried her willing any kind of tears to come to my eyes, but nothing came. Now I was truly emotionless.

The sound of the bell brought me back to the present. Back to the same seat that I had sat in a century ago next to the love of my life. _The universe must hate me. _Just like so long ago there was a buzz that there was a new girl, and I cringed away from everyones thoughts of her. I didn't care if Jesus Himself was making an appearance, there was only one person I wanted to see and I couldn't. But than she walked in, and I knew the universe really did hate me. She looked just like Bella, those big brown eyes, looking nervous and she even tripped twice on her way to her seat. I had decided the universe must want me to die because her seat was next to me. I cringed and stared out the window not wanting anything to do with this poor replica of the girl I had loved so long ago.

"Hello," she said in nearly a whisper, but of course I heard her and I sat absolutely still. She even sounded like my Bella. I was beginning to return my hatred right back to the universe. How so entirely unfair. I didn't turn or even acknowledge I had heard her, but like a trooped she continued on anyway. "I'm Bella Swan." I turned to her than.

"What the fuck did you just say?" she looked startled, and I didn't usually cuss but this was getting ridiculous. Once she saw my face though a smile crept up to her lips, and it took everything in me to hold back my own smile.

"Oh, its you," she whispered, and I just sat staring at her, knowing I needed to blink soon but not being able to. What the hell was going on right now? She must have been able to tell I was confused because she blushed and quickly hid behind her hair, resembling my Bella even more. I narrowed my eyes at her, still trying to figure out if it was possible for a vampire to hallucinate. "I just assumed you would recognize me," she said again softly, "I recognize you." Her eyes shone at me. What did she mean she recognized me? Of course I recognized her but probably not for the person she was hoping. Suddenly the teacher walked in, and she turned towards the front, "We'll talk after class," she whispered.

I tried everything not to stare at her the entire period. Which was hard, she even smelled like my Bella which drew me to her even more. Could it be possible? And than I scoffed at myself, of course it couldn't be possible. I couldn't even believe my mind was entertaining the thought that Bella had been somehow miraculously brought back. When the bell rang to signal the end of class I wanted to jump up and leave this obvious lost girl but she looked at me expectantly her gaze holding me in my place.

"Lets go to your car. Don't worry I think Alice will already know somethings up," I stared at her incredulously. Did she seriously just mention my sister Alice? This new Bella looked at me than with a furrowed brow, "I know this is probably a lot for you to take in, but can we please talk Edward?" I realized than I had been frozen in my spot, and quickly grabbed my things before heading out to my car ahead of Bella refusing to turn around and look at her until I stopped at my car.

I spun around rather quickly than but she didn't look phased, "Please tell me what's going on." I begged, not caring that I sounded desperate now.

"Get in the car," was all she said before climbing in and shutting the door quickly.

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Let me know what you think!


	2. There's a Stranger In My Car

**So I'm going to try to make this chapter longer for you guys. Sorry about the seriously short first chapter but I was a little to anxious myself to get it out there! **

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"So what is going on?" I asked, feeling more confused than I had in my entire life.

"Edward it's me, Bella." She said, too excited.

My eyes narrowed, "You can't be my Bella, I saw her….." the words stuck in my throat, "I watched her die almost a century ago…." I was staring out the window now, not allowing myself to look at the girl next to me.

"Edward…" she said and her hand instinctively went to my face to brush the hair out of my eyes, just like Bella would've done.

I jerked away quickly, "Please don't do that," I said through clenched teeth. I hadn't allowed anyone to touch me after Bella's death, not even to allow Esme to hug me when she had heard what had happened.

"Sorry," she sounded more timid this time. I glanced over at her to see her blushing again, and my fingers twitched, wanting to run my thumb over her cheek bones. I gripped the steering wheel impossibly tighter, disgusted by my body's reactions.

We sat like that in silence for a few more minutes. "I have dreams," she suddenly said. I stole a glance at her but she was staring out the side window with a faint smile on her lips, which I looked away quickly from as I felt the urge to lean in and kiss her. "They're always of you."

Questions swam through my head but I remained silent waiting for her to say more. She laughed slightly than, and it sounded like heaven to me, and I tried to keep my grip on the steering wheel. "Well not always of you," and a full smile was on her lips now, "sometimes of Alice pestering me to shop. Or Emmett making fun of me for my clumsiness. But, somehow you always show up sooner than later."

I was openly gaping at her now, too stunned to feel the desire to touch her in any possible way. "What do you dream about me?" I asked, dying to know the answer, allowing myself to believe in this obvious charade.

"Mmmm," she sighed as she leaned her head back against the headrest. "Well when I first started getting them you hated me. You were so mean, and I was so mad," my mind swam as she recalled my first events of meeting Bella, "but than….than you loved me." She was staring into my eyes now, the exact duplicates of Bella's. I swallowed hard, not needing the action but unsure of what to do. I felt the urge to react in someway, but she continued on distracting me, "They all come in small pieces you know. Sometimes repeats of previous dreams, but always with just a little more detail: Port Angeles, you saved me from those horrid men, dinner, the meadow, finding out you're a vampire." she glanced up cautiously at me than, but I was staring dumbfounded back at her.

Suddenly there was a rap on the window, and I saw Alice eyeing me suspiciously through the glass. "Hold on, let me talk to Alice," I said, not ready yet to let my duplicate go. She nodded and I slowly stepped out of the car, she waved to Alice but Alice only stared at her slightly confused.

_That girl looks just like Bella_ she thought, and I rolled my eyes, that much was obvious. _She knows us?_ It was more of a question than a statement. "Did you see any of this coming?" I asked anxious to get any insight Alice had. But she just shook her head, _Well not really. I saw Bella again but I knew that wasn't possible. I thought I'd just been missing her again._ She hung her head and I knew how hard losing her almost sister had been as well. "She knows about us," I told her quietly and Alice looked around me into the car at the duplicate. _Like what?_ "Everything," I responded, "She said she has dreams each bringing back a new….memory. Do you think it's possible…?" but Alice only stared at me. _I'll go ask Carlisle, bring her over later will you? _I only nodded before climbing back into the car.

BPOV

I knew Edward was having a hard time believing me, but I also knew I had to convince him it was really me. When I first saw him in our same seat in biology it took everything in me from running to him and kissing him like I had so long ago. Of course he ignored me at first, and I knew he must be in pain knowing the anniversary of my death was coming up so soon.

"Is everything okay?" I asked as Edward stared straight ahead. His head turned slowly towards me as he stared.

"It just doesn't make sense," he whispered to himself, and I wasn't sure if I was intended to hear.

"I know it's hard to understand, but I'm not making any of this up." I said in a matter of fact manner.

"But you died, almost a hundred years ago. How can you be back? And be so perfect?" He asked, and my fingers twitched, desiring to run through his hair again.

I smiled at him, "I'm hardly perfect Edward. You never did see me quit right." He turned to stone again, still not quite sure of how to react to what I was telling him.

"No, you never saw yourself clearly," he whispered, and I saw his fingers twitch on the steering wheel and I knew he was trying to control his hands from touching me too. I took a deep breath turning my head towards the window again in an attempt to give him some time to think over what was going on. "When did you first start having the dreams?" He asked and I frowned a little.

"Well I don't remember anything of my childhood," I began, "all I remember is the dreams. Your touch, your laugh, that crooked smile that always dazzles me…" I smiled involuntarily again, "Alice dressing me up, Esme's hugs and caring, Carlisle tending to my constant bruises, basically anything to do with you and the Cullen's. It's almost like Alice before she was changed, she doesn't remember her life before." He was gaping at me than, and I felt awkward so I continued on, knowing I was blushing profusely, "The first thing I actually remember remember is when I first came to Forks. It was as if a shield had been lifted from my eyes. I knew you would be here, waiting for me…." His eyes were wide, but I didn't know what else to say now, "You're making me awfully uncomfortable," I whispered quickly.

"Sorry," he muttered before staring back out the windshield. "Do you remember…anything else?" and I suddenly knew what he wanted to hear.

"Yes, I remember everything. I remember you leaving me, I remember the pain, I remember you coming to see me right before I…." but he stopped me than with a loud sigh.

"It's just so hard to believe…to understand. It's been so many years, but now here you are, as if nothing ever happened. But how can I believe it's really you and not just an imposter?" I felt the frustration in his tone and tears pricked my eyes.

I couldn't take any more talking now so I turned my body fully towards him. "Look at me," I said, and he did, I could no longer control my body as my hand reached up to cup his cheek, he made a gasping noise and I knew if he could tears would be streaming down his face now. I moved closer to him willing him to believe I was the real thing.

He tried to pull away, but I could feel his resolve leaving him as my face neared his, I closed my eyes and my lips slightly parted as I neared his own statuesque lips, "You smell exactly the same," he whispered, making me stop right before our lips met. I looked at him, eyes closed as he was breathing in my scent. I smiled than, glad he at least couldn't deny that as I finally lunged at him.

My lips molded to his as I kissed him gently. He sighed heavily into my mouth but didn't attempt to pull away. My fingers lightly played in his hair as I felt my passion growing stronger, when suddenly he turned his head from mine. I leaned back staring at him, "Edward what's wrong?" I whispered, my voice failing to hide my obvious attraction to him.

He looked at me hurt flooding his eyes, "We need to go." he said before starting the car.


	3. Someone Slap Me I'm Losing My Mind

EPOV

I didn't take my eyes off the road the whole time home, and I didn't speed as usual. Bella seemed to sense that I was upset but didn't say anything after we began driving.

I was mentally kicking myself now, I can't believe I had let this girl kiss me. If my Bella where here she would never forgive me, a thought that made me feel sick to my stomach. But there was something about the words she spoke, and the way she touched me, and that damned smell that told me not to just throw her out of my car on her ass right then and there.

I fought the urge to open the door for her as I got out of the car, and without complaint she seemed content to open her own door. I walked up the steps to the door, ahead of her, anxious to be in a room with someone besides her.

The door slammed shut, and it was apparent that Alice had already told everyone about the stranger is my car as 12 eyes stared at the two of us standing in the walkway. Carlisle was the first to speak, "Please come in you two." I glanced behind me and the duplicate was smiling widely at everyone in the room.

"It's nice to see you all again!" she gushed, I could tell she was trying to control herself from running and hugging everyone in the room. She was trying to get us all used to the idea that she could be _Bella. _I gulped at the thought as I sat suddenly in the nearest chair. Noting the tension she chose to sit on the couch, while everyone continued to stand around gaping.

Alice cleared her throat, "So you are…" her voice trailed off, she obviously knew the answer but wanted to hear it for herself.

Bella only smiled looking up at her, "I'm Isabella Marie Swan, but I prefer everyone called me Bella," she said confidently not seeming surprised by the obvious shock wave resounding through the room, "But than again you should know that Alice!" That threw everyone off even more as Alice plopped onto the floor still openly gaping.

"So let's get straight to it shall we?" Everyone stared at Bella as she looked back at us all expectantly, "Oh come on, I know that's why I was brought here! Carlisle, is it possible after being dead for a thousand years I could be back in one way or another?" We were all stunned at her intuition.

Carlisle cleared his throat, "Well…." he began, scratching the back of his neck, "I've never heard of such a thing before." We all sat in silence, everyone still staring at Bella, but I couldn't bring myself to keep looking at her so instead I looked at the rest of my family.

"You're so much like her though," Rose was the first to speak, and we were all shocked, as we knew Bella hadn't been her favorite person, "Well…except maybe a bit more confident…" but with that reply, almost to prove her wrong Bella blushed in such a Bella fashion and hid her face behind her hair, and Emmett furrowed his brows.

"How could it be possible though?" he asked to nobody in particular.

Nobody knew how to answer that so instead we resumed the silence. I could feel Bella's eyes on me, pleading me to turn towards her, to acknowledge her in someway but I remained still.

"You guys could ask me things to be sure," she whispered. Nobody said anything, so she continued on her own.

"Alice, you love to shop and dress people up. Especially me because you always thought I was so plain. You're like my sister, Emmett, you used to make fun of me for…well everything I did; especially when I would trip or blush, Carlisle you were like a father in your own way to me, always believing in Edward that he would never hurt me because of how much he loved me," she paused them glancing around the room at the shocked faces, "And Esme," she said getting up from her place and going to hold Esme's hand, who willingly took it, "you were always like a mother to me. Making sure I was fed, and getting enough sleep. Always hugging me and making me feel a part of this family…" she stopped now, as tears brimmed her eyes. Esme reached out to wipe them away.

"Well I believe her," Alice chirped, bouncing up to embrace her. I could hear them all silently agree as their attention turned to me. I turned away from them, angrily, annoyed that they had accepted this duplicate so easily.

I got up, standing by the window as I closed my eyes trying to shut out the world around me. As usual I could see my Bella's face, I cried out to her in my head. Willing her to show me what to do, if I should believe this person in my house. But nothing came, after a few moments all I could see was her smiling up at me before taking her final breath. My heart broke again as I recalled knowing she was truly gone, and I knew that was just it. She was gone, and this imposter couldn't possibly be her.

BPOV

He stood staring out the window away from me. Everyone had quickly agreed I was the real deal and not a fake. They had been asking me questions now. Who were my parents? How could this be possible? Everything was a flutter as they tried to figure out why and how this had happened.

But my mind wasn't on them. I stared at Edward lost in his pain. He was reliving losing me over and over again and I could see it in his expression. I wanted to go to him, to tell him I was the real deal, but I knew he would only push me away, making me feel rejected.

I tried to stay positive, and focus on what everyone else was saying, but my heart was crying for him to reach out to me. To try to believe it was me. My eyes began to water, and Alice quickly grabbed my hand dragging me upstairs.

"He'll come to his senses," she said bringing me into her old familiar room, "It was just so hard on him when he lost you." Her eyes filled with pain and I knew she was reliving the pain of losing me herself. She quickly hugged me before pulling back.

"A hundred years later and you still don't know how to dress yourself!" she proclaimed, as she being pulling clothes out of her closet to shove me into. I rolled my eyes, but played along having missed her so much.

"Bella," she said suddenly, interrupting her makeover, "where are you staying?" I shrugged, looking down. I had been sleeping in my old house. Charlie had left it to me, and when I'd died I had left it to the Cullens. I knew Alice would see it in her vision, so when I came back I stayed in the house. It had been kept up over the years, nothing changed, and it remained unoccupied.

"At my house," I finally answered, and she smiled, seeming to like that answer.

"You can always stay here if you want. We're your family! And I'm sure it must be hard staying there without Charlie," I swallowed as I nodded.

"I miss him," I stated, looking up at her with tear filled eyes.

She hugged me quickly to her, but continued her makeover of me. I was lost in thought again as she flurried around me.

"Alice," I asked quietly, afraid of my own voice, but I knew she would hear me.

"Hmm," she answered nonchalantly, a couple of bobby pins in her mouth.

"How will I get him to come around?" I asked, and she pulled the bobby pins from her mouth grimacing.

"I don't know Bells, I really don't know," she sighed, but I still had one more thing I had to ask her.

"Do you think he'll change me this time?" Alice looked at me, with the saddest expression, and she only shrugged.


	4. Tension

I feel this is going to be the muse for the next couple of chapters. Miley Cyrus-The Climb

BPOV

After a few hours of somewhat catching up with Alice, I returned downstairs to try to find Edward to see if he could take her home. He was still standing in front of the window, but could obviously detect my approach.

"Do you need a ride to wherever you're staying?" he asked, without looking at me, and my heart sank a little.

"If you don't mind, otherwise I'm sure Alice could give me a ride…" my voice trailed off as he shook his head vehemently.

"Let's go he said," heading out the door before she could make sense of anything.

After climbing into the car he turned to me, "Where can I take you?"

"My house," I mumbled, and he sighed in frustration like I'd figured he would.

"And where is that?" he grumbled, trying to hold back his anger I could tell.

"You know where…" I answered but quickly there in, "Charlie's house."

His eyes grew wide as he stared at me in disbelief. "How did you get in there?" I looked at him confused, but this only made him angry, "I said how the hell did you get in there?" I shrank back and this angry Edward.

"It's my house, I have a key…" I pulled it from my pocket and he growled, but started the car.

We were at my house in no time, and I reluctantly climbed out, staring up at the house in front of me. Edward sped off without so much as a goodbye, and I sighed glancing after him. What was I getting myself into?

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The entire week was like that. Edward would insist on giving me a ride home every day. He was angry every time, and would speed off quickly as soon as the door was shut. But I decided I would take what I could get for now.

On Wednesday he had actually somewhat relaxed and we had had a short conversation before he turned into angry Edward again, leaving me on my doorstep. His mood only grew worse everyday, and I tried to suggest taking the bus or finding a ride with someone else but he wouldn't hear of it, so I stuck out our short car rides.

Saturday was finally here, and I actually breathed a sigh of relief that I wouldn't have to see Edward angry for a couple of days. Admittedly I missed him as well, remembering the way he used to treat me compared to now.

I spent the entire day doing laundry and cleaning the house. I had stocked up on food a while ago, and stood in the kitchen wondering what to do next. Deciding there really was nothing to do in Forks, I headed up to my room. I grabbed my favorite book from the shelf and curled up on my bed to begin reading.

I must've dozed off because when my eyes fluttered open all I could see was darkness. But I sensed someone else was in the room with me. I smiled knowing it had to be Edward, and continued to keep my breathing slow, not wanting to scare him away. He moved silently to my side, but I could feel that he was closer. Struggling.

He leaned brushing the hair from my face, as I willed myself not to open my eyes, but I couldn't contain the small sigh that left my lips. His fingers immediately stiffened, and I was afraid he was going to pull away. After a few minutes of silence though, he quickly began to run his fingers through my hair again.

I felt him sit softly on the bed, and his hand was suddenly gone. I could hear his silent sobs, and I opened my eyes to a slit as I stared at him with his head in his hands.

Instantly my resolve was gone not to let him know I was awake, and I embraced him. He turned his head into my shoulder, sobbing even harder. It was than I realized there were actual tears in his eyes, and my head spun at this revelation. How was that possible?

"Bella, Bella," He started sobbing as his arms wrapped around my waist. I sighed, hugging him closer, willing him not to pull away.

"Edward, please don't cry like that. I love you, please don't cry." His sobs wracked him harder, and I couldn't stop my own tears from splashing down my cheeks as I panicked.

"Oh Bella," He sobbed, "I love you too." My heart felt like it was swelling, as he leaned in and began kissing me with fervor. My hands tangled into his hair, and I moaned into his mouth. This was the moment I had been waiting for since I arrived in Forks. At the sound of my moan, however, Edward stiffened and pulled away suddenly. He was by the window in a flash.

"Edward?" I asked, unsure of what I had done.

"I can't do this." He answered staring out the window, tears still staining his face.

"Okay," I answered not quite sure to what he was referring.

"I mean, I want to. You look just like her. Talk just like her. Even smell like her." he was staring at me now as my heart thumped loudly in my chest, "Your heart beat even matches hers beat for beat. But than, than I see her on her death bed. And it was so real. And you died…she died! And I can't grasp how you can both be the same person. Everytime I feel myself feeling something for you, I feel like I'm betraying her…." he was crying again, and I tried to edge my way closer, but he put his hand out. "Please don't. If you aren't her, I can't even think how horrid I'll feel for betraying my Bella." and he quickly left the room.

I stared tears stinging my eyes. Somehow I had to make him see, I was his Bella.

EPOV

I felt horrible leading Bella on. Felt horrible that I hadn't wanted to stop, which is why I stopped. What would my Bella think?

Monday morning, however, I picked her up like usual. She climbed into the car as though nothing had happened. Buckling herself she stared out the window, but I didn't budge and sat looking at her. After a few minutes she finally turned to me, "What, aren't we going to school?" I shook my head.

"I'm sorry about the other night," I blurted out, but she just turned back towards the window.

"It's fine," she said in a very Bella way that meant it wasn't fine at all.

"I just don't understand. If you are her, why now? Why are you here?" I said, near tears again.

"Edward honestly, I have no idea." she said turning to me shaking her head, getting a little frantic now, and still she was gorgeous, "Don't you think I've wondered too?! I remember everything up to my last breath. You holding me, smiling at me, and even in that moment I was praying you would change me. Want to keep me forever even in my old disgusting form. But you didn't. And than there was darkness, and the awareness that you were gone for my life forever tore at me. I felt like screaming but I couldn't scream. I felt like crying but I couldn't. I was stuck in nothing, without you. I almost gave up hope. But than I started to remember things. Little things at first. Your laugh, your touch, small pecks on the cheek. And they pushed all my hurt and loneliness away. The more I fought to grab the memories the more I could remember and the happier I felt. Than they started coming back easily. Than I was here. And I had no clue if it was a memory or if it was real. I still don't. But part of me feels like….like we're getting a second glance Edward Cullen. And here you are pushing me away, hating life because you screwed up the first time. Well damnit you're not going to do it again!"

I sat stunned at everything that had just spilled from her mouth. All of her words circled my head, but nothing could fully sink in. "You think we're getting a second chance….for me to turn you into a monster?!" I almost yelled in her face.

"You're a damned fool Edward. You aren't a monster. Yes you gave me my 'life' but I gladly would've turned for you in a second, up to my last breath. I thank you for that life, but now I'm back, and I don't want that life anymore. I want my forever. I want you!" she screamed, before getting out of the car and slamming the door.

I stared after her. It all made sense but none of it made sense at all. I didn't know what to do. So I silently exited the car, and dashed up to her room before she could get there.

Muahaha yep, totally stopping right there.


	5. Guilt

It's short, but I'm in a time crunch for work. I promise I'll try to get a longer update tonight or tomorrow. This story is just swimming in my head!

BPOV

I slammed the door behind me. He was such a stubborn male. And I felt my heartbreak with every harsh glance and word he spoke to me. I rummaged through the kitchen trying to see if anything seemed appetizing to me, but decided I couldn't eat if I wanted to right at that moment. I stomped my way up the stairs into my room, slamming the door behind me.

He stood before me, gorgeous like the god he was. I wanted to run to him, to embrace him, to cry in his shoulder her and make him promise me never to be mean to me again. But I knew he didn't want my touch which only soured my mood even more.

"What the hell do you want?" I nearly screamed at him, my eyes bulging out of my head. He probably thought I was loony, but didn't show it on his face.

"Bella, I just wanna say I'm sorry," he said softly before his face broke. But I was too damn angry at him in that moment.

"You know what Edward, today it's just not okay. Not right now." I said before wheeling around exiting my room. Everything inside me was kicking myself. What the hell was I doing? It was the breaking moment I had been waiting for and now I was telling him I couldn't forgive him right now?

I slammed the door to the bathroom and started the water for a shower. I leaned against the wall my head in my hands as my back slowly slid down the wall to the floor. Loud, audible sobs wracked me now and my entire body shook.

I didn't even hear the door open, but in the matter of a few minutes Edward was beside me. Edward was brushing the hair out of my face. Edward was wiping the tears from my eyes. Edward was trying to calm me down. Saying caring loving words, kissing my face, which was only making me sob harder. Edward cared about me.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he said, touching me continuously. I only nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck, trying to calm myself down.

"No I'm sorry," I whispered in a hoarse voice, "I knew this wouldn't be easy. I shouldn't be getting so impatient with you. I'll wait for you forever Edward. If you need time, I'll wait. I love you."

EPOV

I waited for her in her room, listening to her slam things downstairs. I tried to think of what to say to her when she walked in, but I didn't know exactly how I felt. She burst in suddenly yelling at me. So I said the first thing that came to mind.

"Bella I just wanna say I'm sorry," but she wasn't hearing it, so she yelled at me some more before turning from the room. I heard the bathroom door slam, and I knew I deserved her anger. I decided I would wait in her room for her.

The water started running and than I heard her sobs. I couldn't sit there any longer. Every fiber in me was screaming at me to go to her, and I listened.

Seeing her on that floor sobbing reminded me of the way I had left her so many years ago. My heart broke and I knew I could never leave her now, I didn't want to doubt her, I just wanted her.

I rubbed her back, I brushed the hair from her eyes, I tried to touch her in as many places as appropriately possible. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I said, tears filling my own eyes. Why did I have to keep hurting Bella and myself by being so stupid and stubborn?

But just like my Bella she forgave me, and redeemed me with her love. "I love you too," I sighed into her hair, finally letting the tears overtake my own body.


	6. Redemption

Well first and foremost thank you all so much for the reviews!! Haha it's nice to know I'm not the only one reading this and enjoying it. Secondly, I was asked why Edward can actually cry and the answer is well….I'll get to that. J muahahahaha! Thirdly, I am just so excited to be writing this I literally just walked in the door from work and I'm trying to get this chapter out for you guys!

Oh also, I need someone tech savy with ff. I don't understand why my first few chapters came out underlined and some stuff italicized that I didn't want….someone help! lol

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BPOV

We laid on my bed, my head on his chest, fingers laced, legs entwined, watching the lightly slowly begin to darken. We had been like this the entire day. I had even refused to move when Edward tried to lift me off of him, trying to wrap a blanket around me to keep me warm.

We hadn't spoken much since the bathroom. Occasionally I tears would start to fill my eyes, and sometimes when I glanced up, Edwards were doing the same thing. I wanted this moment to never end, and so far it didn't seem like it would ever have to.

I smiled knowing that he was beginning to accept me now, even if not fully. I tried to steal a peek at him, only to notice his eyes were watching once again. He seemed to notice I'd seen him because he stared rubbing tiny circles on the back of my hand with his thumb.

"Edward," I said timidly, finally breaking the hour long silence between us, "how is it possible that you can…well, cry?"

He sniffled than, which was one of the most single adorable things I had ever heard him do.

"I don't know," he said, still rubbing the little circles on my hands.

"Oh," I licked my lips, wondering if my questions were okay, "when was the first time?" I glanced up at him than, and his face looked pained again. "You don't have to answer," I blurted out suddenly, not wanting him to try to pull away again or anything.

He sighed, "Well lets see…" he got quiet than, and I was straining so hard to make sure I heard him when he spoke that I could swear I could hear the seconds ticking away on the downstairs clock. "I think it was the day you died…". I swallowed hard.

"Oh," I said again, biting the insides of my cheeks. I didn't want to probe any further but my curiosity was aroused now. Instead of bantering him with questions I tore my eyes from his gorgeous face and stared at our bodies entwined.

We sat like that for another few minutes, until Edward broke the silence, "No wait…it was the day of your funeral." I looked up at him, trying to make it seem as though it didn't matter to me, in case he didn't want to talk about it.

He looked down into my eyes, finally letting go of my hand. I briefly panicked afraid he was going to try to pull away, until his fingers slid softly across my cheek bone. My face flushed, but I didn't want to look away, afraid breaking out gaze would somehow cause him to leave.

"The day of your death I so wanted to cry. There you were with just as much love in your eyes, and just as beautiful…and there I was a coward. Everything in my body seemed to scream at me to change you than. Make you mine forever after I'd given you that life. But I couldn't, and you died smiling at me. Like you were so happy that I was there, and I did nothing but let you go…" his eyes were glazed over now lost in the memory. It hurt to hear him talk about this, but I didn't discourage him.

"Than there was your funeral. People were standing around you crying, already missing you. And I was so angry, because I knew someday they would die as well and be able to be with you. Or at least get rid of the hurt. But me, I knew I would never die. I knew I would never be able to find someone to 'replace' you. I knew my life would never be the same. I could never hear your laugh, or see that adorable blush. I could never kiss your soft lips, or hear your heart beat flutter when I smiled at you just so. And suddenly it was like something broke. I felt the moisture on my face, and I assumed it was raining, but when I looked up it was sunny. I actually smiled, because you deserved to be buried on a sunny day. My vision began to blur, and when I reached towards my face I discovered the tears."

He was back than, staring into my eyes intently, "I love you so much, I can cry." We were silent again, and tears had filled my own eyes now. I looked down again.

His hand stayed on my face, caressing my cheek lovingly. I tried to squeeze his statue like body tighter, but I wondered if he could actually feel it. The sun was completely down now and the darkness seemed to marvel me, only heightening my senses more. I could hear my own heartbeat, which was making me blush, and in turn making my heart beat faster.

"Bella," Edward said breaking our silence again.

"Yes?" I asked, staring wide eyed at him. His face into a grimace and I wondered if I had done something wrong.

"Don't tell anyone about this. Em would never let me live that down." He said in a serious tone.

I rolled my eyes.

EPOV

I was trying to lighten the mood. Bella hadn't laughed, but I figured she probably had at least rolled her eyes.

I was still confused, but everything felt so right, and I was sick of fighting it. I figured, if I could cry now than why the hell couldn't Bella and I be given a second chance to do things right?

"Edward," Bella quipped, and I could hear her voice slightly waver. I didn't respond, but waited for her to continue on, "areyougoingtochangemethistime?". She mumbled so all the words seemed to mesh into one.

"Huh?" I asked, lifting her chin towards me. She let out a huge sigh, eyes wide looking into mine.

"Are you….going to change me this time?", I could hear her heartbeat greatly increase. I ran my fingers through her hair trying to calm her as I stared out the window now. She was still staring at me, but I wasn't going to look down as I thought. "Edward?"

I didn't respond, the same excuses I'd used before running through my head. As if she could read my thoughts she suddenly added, "Not that you really have a choice this time. If you don't, I'll make sure one of the others do. I just want you to know I would prefer you did it…if you wanted of course."

"Bella…" my voice faltered, not something that happened very often, but she cut me off.

"Edward, I don't want to hear your crap. I lived a life. I'm not living another one without you. My change is not in question, it's who's going to actually do it." She plopped her head down on my chest again, refusing to look at me and I knew she had just ended that discussion.

"Fine," I said gruffly. Why did she always have to torture me with this?

Suddenly she let out a quick chuckle. I remained quiet wishing as always I could be inside her head to know what had made her smile. She sat up than looking at me. I tilted my head sideways, trying to inquire at her amusement, but suddenly her breathing changed.

The look in her eyes were suddenly filled with desire, and she lunged at me before I could react. (yea yea, I'm a little rusty when it comes to Bella and her hormones).

Her lips were on mine than, and her fingers were tangled in my hair. My arms instinctively wrapped around her. She was straddling me now, and all of my pent up emotions were running through my body. She moaned into my mouth as my hands glided up her back.

I knew what she wanted, but I also knew I couldn't give it to her. So instead I picked her up laying on the bed. She got the wrong idea as I heard her pulse quicken. I chuckled into her mouth, as she tried to pull me closer to her. I complied only slightly, afraid that she would hurt herself (yea and I wanted it to).

Her fingers toyed with the hem of my shirt, but I kept my arms underneath her back. Her hands slowly slid up my shirt, and if I hadn't been so used to my control in emotions I would have groaned into her mouth. Instead I pushed back.

"The rules haven't changed," I answered as she pouted at me.

Never done the whole sex scene type thing….still considering it for this story. Muahaha. Come on their in love! What's all your opinion on this?


	7. A Sexual Encounter

Ugh…Edward and Bella would not let me sleep until I wrote this and I'm really going to hate them tomorrow. Fricking jerks.

Oh and I know I've been kind of bouncing back and forth between EPOV and BPOV but this chapter just MUST be written in third POV. I know I'm probably breaking some writers rule or some crap, but basically I'm too tired to care right now, and I know you'll probably like it anyway. So without further ado, onward!

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The week continued on as normal, Edward and Bella fell back into their routine surprisingly easy. During the day Edward would pick her up, go with her to her classes, keep her from damaging herself too badly. At night they would climb into bed together, whispering as if Charlie were still in the room just down the hall.

Every night Bella pounced him, trying to get him to cede his decision but to no avail. Tonight didn't seem to be any different.

Bella and Edward were entwined in an intimate kiss, when surprisingly Bella pulled away first.

"I really hate when you do it, so maybe I can be able to distinguish the line too," she whispered, eyes still closed. Edward could only stare at her.

Her hair was disheveled, eyes hazy from their passionate kiss, and couldn't think of her looking any more sexy.

"Bella you know," he paused, unsure of what her reaction would be, "we can try."

Her eyes widened as she sat shocked in front of him.

"Well, slowly of course," he added licking his lips, eager to get back to hers.

She half smiled at him, biting her bottom lip in approval. Their lips were meshing again, but Bella pulled away again.

"You said slowly," she giggled.

"Right," he added, slightly peeved he had said slowly and she was listening for once.

"Lay back," she purred, as if she were a pro. He gladly listened, staying as still as possible. He knew there could be a risk with their getting intimate and he wasn't going to let the current heat of the moment ruin any of this for them.

Bella slowly leaned towards him, kissing him softly, her hands running through his hair lightly.

"Arms up," she whispered, and he happily obliged.

She slowly lifted his shirt above his head, placing her hands on his wrists before he could bring his arms back down. He didn't try to argue or fight, finding her dominant position sexy.

She slowly pushed his hands together, as if he were her prisoner, and he happily obliged. Slowly she began her journey of his body.

She started at his finger tips, making sure to kiss everyone before tracing her forefinger down his arms. She lifted her hand now, running her fingers through his hair again lightly, slightly jostling his hair. Her fingers traced over his forehead, his eyes, and his nose. Her fingers stopped at his lips, taking extra time to make sure she spent enough time on them.

Edward slightly opened his mouth, sucking her finger into his mouth. Her mouth formed into an "O" shape, but she remained silent. The only sound was of her heavy breathing. Yet just as quickly as he had sucked her finger in, he released it with a faint grin on his lips.

"Don't move," she murmured, unsure if she had actually said the words or merely thought them. He stopped breathing than, and she knew he had heard her.

Slowly she traced his jaw line, mesmerized by its perfection. She wondered what it would look like with light stubble on it and the thought almost made her moan out loud.

She continued on, lightly tracing her way down his throat, running her fingers softly over his adams apple, and he swallowed out of what she assumed must be nerves. She glanced up into his eyes, but he showed no signs of trying to stop her so she kept going.

Her fingers continued down the to the planes of his chiseled chest. He felt as smooth as marble, and she marveled in his beauty. She took her time, getting acquainted with every muscle that was outlined, making sure to trace each defined line with her finger tips before moving on.

Her hands stopped at his bellybutton, as she slowly ran circles around it. He remained perfectly still, and she took that as her sign of approval.

She swallowed hard as her hands continued lower. She could see the distinct V below his abdomen, and instinctively she wanted to run her tongue along it, kiss it, but she controlled herself, lightly running her fingertips over the definition. Edward gasped in response, obviously not prepared for her touch.

She glanced up into his eyes as he stared down at her. She licked her lips than, needing some kind of reaction from him.

"Edward," she nearly moaned, but he only continued to stare at her with lust filled eyes.

Her lips slowly lowered to his hip bones as she lightly dragged her lips over each one. He groaned than and the fire inside of her grew, needing to feel him touch her.

"Edward," she repeated the desire resounding in his name. He reacted than, and in a second they had changed positions. She was now underneath of him, as he rested on his elbow above her. Her breath was heavy, as her chest rose and fall.

"Arms up," he repeated, in a more gruff tone than usual. She happily obliged as he pulled the shirt slowly over her head. Automatically she kept her arms above her head.

He began the same trail as she had. His lips covering everyone one of her fingers. His fingers moved down to her hair as he twirled a strand of it between his thumb and forefinger, feeling the silk of it.

They traced down to her cheek bones, and he could feel her face flush beneath his touch. His fingers gently stroked down to lips, he traced them lightly with his finger.

Returning the favor, she too gently suckled his fingertip into her mouth. He sat wide eyed as he felt her tongue swirl around the tip of his finger. He fought to stifle a moan successfully, but couldn't bring himself to pull away from her gaze or her hold on his finger. Finally she opened her mouth, giving his throbbing finger a slight peck while she waited for him to continue on.

He took a deep breath, his fingers running lightly over her jaw line, and down to her supple neck. For once he wasn't even close to thinking about the way her heartbeat seemed to throb underneath his fingers. He honestly didn't notice any smell of her blood. All he could sense was her, beneath him, needing him, desiring him. He placed a soft kiss on her neck before his fingers continued on.

His fingers came to her chest, and stopped. Bella looked at him, wondering if he was going to pull away, but instead he took another deep breath and kept going.

The coldness of his fingers brought goosebumps as he traced the top of her breasts. Her breathing increased and he watched in awe as they rose and fell in silence. He repeated the action, delighted by the slight arch in her back she seemed to be fighting from happening at his touch.

After a few minutes he continued on, tracing down her abdomen. He stopped at her belly button, making the same circles. He belly button was so cute, and he couldn't resist reaching down to kiss it seductively.

Than she did it, Bella let out a sexy moan, and he knew he couldn't stop his exploration with his finger tips. He decided to start again, but this time with his lips.

Edward started at her jaw line, kissing slowly down her neck, lightly grazing his lips against her skin. Her breath hitched and he knew she was trying to hold back yet another moan. He half smiled at this. That was his goal.

His lips followed the same pattern as his fingers, lightly touching the curves of her breasts. She sat up than, and Edward sat back, afraid he had done something wrong. But she just looked at him with lust filled eyes and reached behind her.

Unclasping her bra, she was finally completely topless in front of him. He stared at the beauty that was before him, forgetting what he was doing. His fingers slowly reached up to her breasts, tracing their outline. She sighed, and he felt braver with every stroke of his fingers.

Finally he lifted his fingers from her breast, as if to protest Bella lifted her head up furrowing her brow. Edward quickly brought his knuckle down gently rubbing it across her soft pink nipple. Her breath caught in her throat as her head fell back into the pillow.

Edward continued that action a few times, before once again replacing his fingers with his lips. Kissing his way slowly around her breasts. Bella wanted to grab his head, wrap her fingers in his hair, but she was afraid he would pull away, so she tangled her fingers in the sheets besides her instead.

Edward smiled into her chest, as he slowly began kissing his way towards her nipple. Looking up into her eyes he could see nothing but lust. He felt her fingers clench into the sheets, and he remembered the exquisite sound he had been seeking.

Without warning he grabbed a nipple in her mouth, with the sharp intake of her breath and the escaped moan, it came out as a quiet squeak. Edward repeated the action on the other nipple, and this time was greeted with a throaty moan from Bella, that made him want to ravish her right there.

Not forgetting his path, however, he slowly continued his way down her stomach, running his tongue along the outside ring of her belly button. He ventured lower, as his lips grazed her hip bones, this time he was graced with the pleasure of Bella moaning, "Edward," before running her fingers through his hair.

He knew he had done enough damage for one night as he sat up. She stared at him through glazed eyes, wondering what he was doing.

"Maybe that's enough for tonight," Edward said reluctantly.

Happy with what she got, but still desiring more Bella rolled over quickly. The sudden coolness of the pillow hit her burning cheeks, and she wondered if it was cold enough to smother the burning inside of her, as Edward wrapped her in a warm embrace, willing her to sleep.

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Don't hate me!!!! Okay. This is how this went.

Me: *trying to sleep*

Edward: and than I ran my tongue over…

Me: Edward, trying to sleep

Bella: and than I slowly traced my finger over his…

Me: Bella, frick, I said trying to sleep!

Edward: Write it Jessica

Me: But its 12:30am and I have to get up at 4am for work

Edward: Write.

Me: Fine

--30 minutes later--

Edward: Okay stop stop, stop there.

Me: are you fricking kidding me?

Edward: No, I wouldn't go all the way with her right away, are you mad?

Me: Edward my readers are going to hate me. Are YOU mad?

Edward: Just stop the story there.

Me: Edward wtf…

Edward: Jessica

Me: Frick fine.

Haha yes, I literally tossed and turned for an hour and a half before deciding I just had to write this right this second.

Oh and in case there's any wondering why there's so much emphasis on belly buttons, I know it seems silly, but I actually read somewhere the licking and touching around the belly button is actually one of the…pressure points? Whatever they're called. Too late for me to know what anything is! Review, loved? Hated? Comfortable with the fact I said nipple instead of some other cockamamie name for it?


	8. It's all in the Past

InkStainedFire what exactly are the conditions for this shiny nickel you speak of? Lol.

Right SM owns everyone, including all you who are fervently searching for Twilight Fanfics! :D

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EPOV

The next morning I felt as though I needed to explain why I had stopped to Bella, but when I had opened my mouth to speak, she had kissed me gently before padding off softly to the bathroom. Her own silent way of telling me I didn't need to say anything.

I was grateful for that.

The next night she climbed into bed, not pressing me, and with a gentle kiss she laid down ready for bed. It was the first night I'd ever watched her sleep without her talking.

Wednesday night was a hard night, Bella had still not tried to press me, and part of me was grateful, and yet part of me almost wanted her too. But when she fell asleep that night she had the most vivid dream ever.

I had just stopped humming my lullaby to her when she said my name. I smiled, recalling the first time I had ever heard her say my name in her dreams. I kissed the side of her head softly so as not to wake her.

Suddenly her voice changed, and I heard her heartbeat pick up. Was she having a nightmare? I furrowed my brow, waiting to see if she would say anything else.

"Edward," she moaned, just like she had that night. My eyes widened, was my sweet Bella dreaming about what I'd done to her?

Her panting grew heavier, and soon I could smell her arousal. I held my breath, as she continued to let out little moans in her sleep, occasionally repeating my name.

"I love the way your hands feel on my skin Edward," she moaned and I tried to think of anything to keep my mind off of what she was saying.

"I need you," she whispered. I tried to compose something in my head but could only think of pushing her up against the piano, her body crashing amongst the keys but it would be our own beautiful melody being played. I quickly tried to wipe that image from my head. But every thing I tried to think of somehow turned to Bella and I together.

Finally Bella let out a slight whimper as she rolled over. I tried to breath a sigh of relief but she had rolled into me, wrapping her legs around my hip. And I could feel her. She was so warm, and I had sucked in a huge hair of breath and now all I could smell and feel and think about was her right next to me, dreaming about me. I fought not to jump off of the bed to clear my head, and was relieved when I finally saw the first glimmer of light outside of her window. I wasn't sure my self control would be able to hold on much longer.

Thursday was the worst, and I almost wished she would dream another sex dream about me as I listened to her.

Her heartbeat began to pick up again but this time it was different and I could tell. I wondered what tonights dream would be about.

"Edward," she cried, and I almost wondered if she was awake but than she continued on in a slight mumble and I knew she was sleeping. "Come back for me."

I sat unwilling to move as she continued. "I waited for you Edward. I can feel you when you're around. You can still have me Edward." She was remembering her past life, and my heart felt broken listening to her broken. "I'm still yours," she whispered before breaking out into sobs.

But even her stops didn't wake her, and I was too afraid too, wondering if she would be angry with me for leaving her.

"I don't want to say 'I do'," she murmured, apparently recalling her wedding day, "Where's Edward? I only want to marry Edward?" Tears filled my eyes as she recalled more.

"Edward, I can feel you here. Are you going to stop this wedding? Are you going to claim me as your own…" her voice trailed off, as I recalled seeing the shadows in her eyes hoping it was because she missed me, and now realizing that that was exactly what it was. "Don't you love me anymore?" she sobbed again as her voice cracked.

I remained stilled, tears now openly falling from my eyes. All these years I had been holding onto the idea that Bella was thankful that I had given her her life. And she was, and yet still through every major wonderful event she still wished she was with me. She still would've given up everything for me. That thought made me instinctively hug her closer, I wanted to hold her with all I could but I knew she was still fragile and I had to be careful.

Almost as if that's what she needed she immediately calmed down as she snuggled into the crook in my neck, falling into a calm sleep once again. But I couldn't stop crying, and I couldn't get her words out of my head.

"Don't you love me anymore?" resounded through my head throughout the night. Now I knew what I had to do, there was no question about it. I just hoped Bella would be alright.

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BPOV

I woke up the next morning feeling the tears stained on my face. I looked towards Edward to see if I had actually spoken in my sleep. He smiled tightly at me, and I figured I must've said something because it looked as if he'd been crying too.

I opened my mouth to ask him what I'd said but he'd simply brushed my hair out of my face before kissing me passionately.

"Go hop in the shower, I'm going to go hunt really quick." he said, before leaving me standing alone in my room.

I exhaled deeply as I headed towards the shower. My mind was filled with thoughts from the previous night.

I knew Edward loved me, but all those years I waited for him. Waited for the day he would decide I'd lived enough that I could be with him again. But that day never came. And when I saw him that final day in the hospital I was almost sure he was there to change me than. To hold onto me forever, but still he had let me go.

Why wasn't I good enough?

The thought swirled through my head, as I tried to wash away all of my negative thoughts. Edward was with me now, wanting me.

But he still doesn't want to change you.

My mind screamed at me. Tears spilled out than. We were being given a second chance and I still might not get him. Maybe I never really was enough for him.

The thought broke my heart as I sat on the floor of the shower, the small water droplets stinging my skin as if to rub in the thought that Edward might not ever want me. Sobs consumed me.

Almost an hour later I finally controlled my sobs, and got out of the shower. I felt like I had no will to do anything, so I moved extra slow. It took me another twenty minutes just to brush my hair and teeth and dress before finally emerging from the bathroom.

Edward still wasn't back and I was partially glad. I sat on my bed, sobs wracking my body once more as my mind tried to convince myself why Edward didn't and never would love me the way I cared for him.

I reached under my mattress than, feeling the soft leather binding. I pulled it out, willing myself to read through it once again.

When I'd first came back to Charlie's I had assumed it would be gone, but after running my hand under the mattress I found it. Nobody had discovered it. My diary was still my private thoughts between myself.

Now I held the book in my hands, I slowly opened it to the middle. Where it almost opened automatically after being read from that section so many times. It was from when I'd first moved to Forks. When Edward had first started caring about me.

My fingers traced over my own writing as I tried to convince myself I could still be this naïve. Still think that maybe one day Edward would care enough to change me. That the way his eyes softened when he looked at me was more than feeling compassionate, as if I were his pet. But today it wasn't working for me, and I knew it was going to be a long grumpy day for me as I threw my diary into the corner of the room.

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Uhhh yea, kinda a hard chapter. The next one shouldn't take as long as this one did. Let me know what you think. Edward and Bella love your reviews!


	9. Fire and Ice

Hmmm yes you get a twofer today. Lol I'm on spring break so enjoy it while it lasts people!!! J

These two chapters were really hard to write for me….very emotional.

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EPOV

I stood there staring at Bella's grave, like I so often did. It was as if I was seeking an answer from her. As if she would pop up and tell me suddenly that everything would be okay. But instead there was silence as I tried to sort through my thoughts.

Every single time I had seen her, she had known. She had _hoped_ for me to take her away. She had always wanted me. And time and time again I had hurt her. Leaving her alone in that forest once again, broken.

I traced the name carved into the stone with my forefinger, "Bella," I mumbled, my voice strained and forced. Why was I so stupid? Why was I so hell bent on hurting her and me? I didn't know the answer as tears once again filled my eye

I realized than that I shouldn't be here. I was fawning over a grave, when I had the real thing back waiting for me. Waiting for me to make it up to her. I hurried off to her house.

I got there only a few minutes later, but Bella wasn't there, and neither was her truck. My heart fell but I decided to wait for her in her room.

I opened the door to her room, looking quickly around before stepping in, in case there was some chance she was still there.

Everything was a mess, a flurry of anger, and I nearly panicked at the prospect that something had happened until a piece of paper caught my eye.

Edward,

Went to get some air, back soon.

Bella

That comforted me a bit, but I knew if she wasn't back within the hour I would be out searching for her, and I hoped she realized that too.

Slowly I began to pick up the mess, wondering what had upset her so much that she'd felt the need to destroy her room. I grimaced at the idea that it had something to do with her dream from the previous night. Finally, almost everything was clean as something caught my eye.

It was a leather bound book, and it looked old. I frowned, I hadn't known Bella read the Bible, but after grabbing it from it's corner I realized it wasn't an old bible. It was a journal of some sort.

I placed it on her bed, closed, when it opened by itself to the middle of the pages, as if it'd been read in that spot numerous times. I tried to close it but my name caught my eye, and curiosity got the best of me.

I sat there for the next half an hour reading over Bella's thoughts. From when we had first met, to the day that I had left her. I sat stunned as I realized all that she had gone through. All that she had felt for me, that she still felt for me.

I stared at that final page, the page full of so much doubt, and self hatred. Even after I broke her heart, she had hated herself. Thought that she wasn't good enough. How could she ever think that? She was so perfect for me, but somehow my actions had made her feel less than perfect for me.

I heard a noise in the doorway, and looked up to see Bella standing there. I stared at her as she stared at the open book in my hand.

"I'm sorry," I tried to say, but she made no movement to grab it from me.

"Bella," I pleaded, walking towards her, and her eyes looked up to me than. I almost crumbled at the sight I saw. Now I could see it. I could see every line of hurt, every twinge of pain in her eyes. It was all from me.

She seemed empty now, hollow. Not the loving Bella from the meadow, not the blushing girl from Port Angeles. She was a shell because she had never thought she was good enough for me. But just as quickly as I saw her pain, I saw her anger too. And I knew I deserved that. She flew at me than.

"What the hell Edward?" She screamed, ripping the tattered book from my hands.

"Bella I'm sorry," I pleaded again, not able to look up at her. Too ashamed by the pain, and hurt, and insecurity I had caused.

"EDWARD IT IS NOT OKAY!" she screamed at the top of her lungs before collapsing in a heap on her floor in a mess of sobs. I knew this was about more than her diary as she clutched the evidence of her old life to her chest.

I wanted to go to her. I wanted to wrap her in me, but I didn't know if she even wanted me. _You are so selfish_. My mind screamed.

Bella was in hysterics now, rocking herself back and forth as the sobs overtook her body. Her breathing came in ragged gasps, and I realized if she didn't calm down she was going to make herself pass out.

I went to her than. Wrapping my arms around her I began kissing her. Her hair, her forehead, her tears. I had to let her know she was enough, I had to let her know she was the only thing I had ever wanted. The only thing I'd ever regretted losing.

"Bella, Bella, please breathe. Breathe. I love you so much. Please just breathe," I said but that only made her cry harder, making her chest constrict even more. It pained me to see her so hurt, I would've gone off to the Volturi right than if I didn't think it would only hurt her more.

"Bella," I cried, continuing my trail of kisses. Suddenly I grabbed the back of her head, forcing her lips to mine. She came to me willingly, and my heart cried out knowing she had always been this willing, as she always would, even after all the pain I'd caused her.

Than I knew I had to show her my love for her. I kissed her back, more passionately than I ever had, but still holding back aware that I could hurt this fragile girl.

_I was lifting us up than, kissing her more fervently now as I pulled the book from between us and she quickly wrapped her hands into my hair groaning into my mouth. _

_I laid her down on the bed, stopping to kiss the remaining tears from her cheeks, her eyes, her nose, and our lips crashed together again. Grabbing the hem of her shirt, I pulled it over her head, careful not to rip the soft material between my hands. _

_She grabbed at my shirt much more aggressively and quickly ripped my shirt from my body, running her hands along my chest, which surprisingly sent a shiver down my spine. We were kissing again, our tongues intertwining with one another. My hands slowly traced up her sides, as she pulled me closer to her face._

_My hands slowly moved under her back and she arched forward, allowing me more room to unclasp her bra. She shrugged it off, before crushing out lips back together. _

_I slowly kissed down her neck as her fingers stroked the side of my cheek. I looked up at her than, "I love you so much Bella. I wish you knew how much."_

_Her eyes filled with tears again as she smiled at me, but I still saw the doubt in her eyes as she thumbed the dark circles under my eyes, knowingly. "I didn't go hunting," I whispered, but she only nodded before kissing me again, lighter this time._

"_I saw you," she said simply, and I realized she must've gone to her own grave for a sense of solace only to see me standing there._

"_I'm sorry," my voice cracked as I stared down at her._

"_Don't be," she whispered, continuing our kiss. _

_I didn't deserve this girl. She had to know I didn't. But suddenly I wanted to be selfish, I wanted all of her, and I wanted her forever. _

_Slowly my fingers reached down unbuttoning her pants. She stared at me eyes wide, but didn't stop me as she lifted up her bottom to allow me to remove her them. There was only one tiny piece of clothe now keeping me from seeing Bella as I'd always wanted, and I swallowed hard before pulling them down as well._

_Her body looked so different in the light of the day. She was so pale, and I could see the small goosebumps as they rose on her skin at my touch. Her breasts rose and fell as she breathed deeply, as I sat there staring at her, drinking in her beauty._

"_You're so beautiful," I said, as I ran my fingertips down her stomach, delighting in the effect my touch had on her body._

_But she was still staring at me, still uncertain. "Bella," I whispered, before kissing her again softly. I had to do this right. Had to show her this wasn't about sex. It was about her, it was about us, it was about our love._

_My hand slowly moved down her stomach, and my hand trembled. I couldn't believe how nervous she was making me. My fingers brushed her soft skin feeling how wet she was for me, and I glanced up at her as she gasped. But I was captivated by her body as I continued my journey, growing more and more nervous._

"_Edward," she whispered, and I froze, wondering if this wasn't something she wanted too, "don't do anything you're not comfortable with."_

_I looked at her than, she was such an angel. She was worried about me. "I want to," my voice was hoarse, "unless you don't want me to…"_

"_I want you to," she said, before grabbing my face and pulling me to her, kissing me softly but deeply. _

_My fingers slipped into her than, and I felt her moan deeply into my mouth. She was so warm, we were like fire and ice as my fingers found a rhythm. I couldn't control myself than, and looked down in wonder to watch my fingers disappearing inside of her. I looked at her than, and her eyes were glazed over as she stared at me in lust._

_No, it wasn't lust. It was love. She didn't just want me to have sex with her, she knew I was going to make love to her, and she wanted that too. _

_I was so mesmerized with what I was doing, that it wasn't until Bella was thrashing wildly on the bed that I looked up at her. I nearly stopped thinking I had done something wrong, when I realized I had given Bella an orgasm. If I had been Bella, I would've blushed at that realization._

"_Edward," she groaned huskily, "I need you." Her hands slowly reached down to my own pants as she began unbutton them. Once again my nervousness came back as I kicked off my pants. What if I did it wrong? But than her hand was on me, stroking me through my boxers and I groaned involuntarily. _

_She slowly slid my boxers off my hips, as I kissed her softly, her hand finally touching me skin to skin for the first time. The warmth of her hand enveloped me and I felt light headed. _

_She gently brought me between her legs, as I stared down at her, a different kind of blush rushing through her body now._

_I leaned down, kissing her again as I felt my tip press into her moisture. She moaned and tried to pull me closer with her legs, but I wanted to go at my own pace._

"_Bella I love you, you are always enough," I whispered before gently entering her. Her eyes rolled back in her head, and I sat still waiting for her body to adjust to me._

_Slowly she began moaning and rocking into me. My hands roamed her body as I began slowly thrusting into her. I never took my eyes off her face, wanting to know that I could take away her hurt and replace it with looks of such pleasure, and happiness, and love. She was trying to get me to move faster, but I fought her, trying to get her to enjoy our slow pace._

_She crushed her lips to mine, moaning into my mouth. When suddenly she rolled us over. I growled at the new position, seeing stars before my eyes as I was deeper in her, and she moaned sexily leaning her head back. Her hands ran down the plane of my chest, and I shivered again feeling myself inside of her._

_She kept my pace though, continuing slowly, while showering my face with kisses. My fingers lightly trailed up her back as I felt her breathing pick up. I knew she was getting close again, and I was almost there as well._

_She looked down into my face staring straight into my eyes, "I love you Edward Cullen," she said as she smiled, "I love you too," I groaned as I felt her orgasm began, and soon I too was lost in my own orgasm. _

_We laid like that for the rest of the day. She on top of me with her head on my chest, tracing invisible lines in my skin._

"_Bella," I whispered and she looked up at me, with curious eyes._

"_Whenever you're ready," I stated merely and she frowned slightly trying to decipher what I was saying._

"_Whenever you're ready, I'll change you," I said before placing a kiss on her slightly swollen lips._

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_Mmm sorry I couldn't wait till they were married. lol_


	10. Doubt

So I'm afraid I might upset some of you guys, so I'm going to try to make everything fit into one chapter….unless it proves to much which I'll split it. I'm aiming for this to be my longest chapter, and after this updates may take a little longer because I want to try to slow down and make my chapters top shape for you all, and longer for you all too. So just beware of that.

Oh and this song is inspired by This Love by The Veronicas

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BPOV

Edward had finally told me everything I wanted, yet here I was standing in the shower, feeling as if my dog had just been hit by a car. What was wrong with me?

"This is everything you want Bella, snap out of it," I whispered to myself, not even realizing my body was being saturated in ice cold water.

All I could think of was Edward as we had made love. It had felt so right, so good, but than he had said he would change me. I thought my heart was going to explode right out of my chest, but as soon as I turned over on my side to sleep all I felt was knots in my stomach. Wasn't this what I wanted?

"Bella?" Edwards voice brought me back to reality, and I quickly shut off the water, wrapping a towel around me before opening the door. "You alright in there, you've been in there for an hour and a half." he asked, slightly cocking his head and giving me that crooked smile I saw loved. But today when I saw it, it twisted the knot in my stomach tighter, and I brushed past him to my room.

"Sorry," I said, trying to sound like I had just simply lost track of time. "I'm gonna get dressed okay?" Being the gentleman he was, Edward said nothing but told me he would come by later, he desperately needed to go hunting. I plopped on the bed , knowing he was gone now, cradling my head in my hands. Why couldn't I shake this stupid feeling already? I sighed as I quickly dressed, and hurried downstairs to feed my grumbling stomach. After last night had been such a perfect night, I wished I could be in a better mood.

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It had been almost a week since Edward and I had been intimate. Neither one of us had tried again, and Edward didn't bring up what he had told me again, probably waiting for me to be ready. The feeling from that next day hadn't disappeared, and I'd been trying to hide it all week, weakly convincing Edward I must be coming down with a cold or something.

It was Friday, and I was dreading the weekend when Edward would be able to scrutinize me from every angle all day. He would surely know that something was wrong with me. I stared lazily at the clock in my English room when he walked in.

He had jet black hair and piercing blue eyes. They weren't as stunning as I was sure my Edwards green eyes had been, but in a competition they would've came in a close second I was positive. He wasn't exactly pale, but had a healthy hue to his skin tone. I realized I was ogling him, as he approached the empty seat next to me and chastised myself for even looking at him, I had Edward.

"I'm Ian," he grinned, hand extended willing me to take it.

"Bella," I mumbled before blushing bright red and turning my attention towards the teacher.

"I moved here from Florida," he whispered, pretending to be paying attention as well, "my mom grew up here, and when dad died she wanted to desperately to come back. I'm not sure about all this rain though."

I rolled my eyes, and never acknowledged that he had even spoken to me. He might be attractive, but his personality was already grating on my nerves. I took that as a positive, trying to remain focused on remembering every line in Edwards face as a means to keep out this stranger.

The bell rang, and I shot up out of my seat before Ian could even try to say goodbye to me. I felt horrible. I was being silly, he was just a new boy looking to make a friend, and here I was trying to turn it into something bigger. My face broke into a smile when I saw Edward, and he seemed to look relieved. It was my first genuine smile that week.

Somehow I managed to avoid the new guy, and thinking about him until my last period. I was sitting in my Trig class trying to figure out what my teacher was saying. She had to be speaking in gibberish. I couldn't understand a word she was saying. Ten minutes after class had started to my horror Ian walked through the door.

"Sorry I'm late, got lost," he grinned before plopping next to me.

Internally I groaned. I had been so glad to be seated by myself in almost all of my classes but biology so I didn't have to socialize with anyone. It had been a blessing than I had been able to, successfully avoiding everyone but the people I wanted to see. Now it seemed like a curse as it seemed Ian took it as an invitation.

"You know you're very pretty," he stated bluntly, something that normally would've warranted a blush from me. Instead I turned towards him, and he grinned widely proud that he had finally gained my attention.

"I have a boyfriend, and I'm not interested," I stated gruffly before turning my attention back to the gibberish going on at the front of the room, trying to decipher whatever I could.

Of course that didn't stop him though, "Who said I wanted to be your boyfriend?" he responded, and I turned to him again as he winked playfully at me and looked ahead. Was he implying what I thought he was implying? I felt disgusted he had even suggested it and snapped my head towards the front again.

What an arrogant sick pig. How dare he think I would be that kind of girl. The kind that would let him touch my hair: Edwards hair. That I would let him put his hands on me, or kiss me. I felt a shiver go down my spine at that thought. Chastising my body for it's lame reaction I tried to think of Edward. His hands on me like last night. Expressing his love for me. I closed my eyes remembering. Watching Edwards hands trace the curves of my body, and I felt his lips press against mine, but when I pulled back it was Ian's piercing blue eyes I saw, not the eyes of Edward Cullen. I covered my face with my hands and knotted my hair in my fingers. What was wrong with me today? After what felt like an eternity the bell finally rang, and I sprang from my seat, rushing to Edwards car, eager to get home.

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That night I seduced Edward.

We were laying as usual my hands slowly began roaming his body. His skin feeling so good against my fingers. I began kissing my way up his chest, crushing my lips to his as I met his face. He responded weakly, wondering I'm sure what the change was that had come over me. Edward never asked though, he simply accepted it.

I wasn't gentle like Edward. I had nearly ripped his and my clothes off, and he had chuckled, amused with my eagerness. I wasted no time on foreplay as I straddled him. His eyes shone with confusion, but he was letting me do my thing as I quickly impaled myself on him.

This sensation of being filled with him was entirely new, and I moaned loudly as his hands slowly grasped my hips. I began moving now, finding a rhythm that would suit me. His grip tightened and I knew he was trying to slow me down, trying to silently tell me to savor the moment, but I couldn't.

My head rolled back as I refused to look into Edwards curious eyes, as I continued my assault of him. Quickly I had reached my peak, and soon after he followed. I rolled quickly off him, shoving my face into the crook of his neck, still not wanting to look at him.

"Well that was different," he whispered emotionless.

Guilt engulfed me. I was such a horrible person. Edward wanted to love me, to make love to me. And here I was trying to fuck away the memory of some guy I'd talked to for five minutes. I was trying to engrave Edward into my body, and my mind, but even as I snuggled into Edwards chest all I could see were piercing blue eyes as I fell into a fitful sleep.

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I had dreamed about Ian that night. Even if I had spoken in my sleep though, Edward mentioned nothing of it. His demeanor didn't change either. He was just as loving and perfect as always which only made me feel worse. Thankfully Edward had left to hunt again with Emmett and Jasper, so the rest of the weekend I was left to myself.

I spent most of it crying, praying that come Monday I would be fine and Edward would be the center of my universe again.

But now it was Monday, and I sat anxiously waiting for Ian to arrive. I knew what I had to do, I felt bile threatening to rise in my throat but I quickly swallowed it down trying to gain my courage. I wrung my hands as I stared at the door, willing him to walk through at any moment.

Finally he did, glancing at me and smiling. Our English teacher began droning on and I quickly ripped a sheet of paper from my notebook and scribbled on it quickly before pushing it towards his arm.

_How do we do this._

I swallowed anxiously waiting for him to respond. He stared at the paper for a moment before smirking at it.

_Meet me after school_

I stared at that short sentence. Anxiety filled me than, what was I going to tell Edward? Would he be able to read the new boys thoughts? I panicked than, had he already read the new boys mind? What the hell was I doing? I mentally beat myself up the rest of the day. Before the final bell I quickly grabbed the cell phone Edward insist I carry now, out of my jacket pocket.

_Have to work on an English project with a kid from class, call you when I'm done._

_Now I knew something must be wrong with me. I was going to go through with this than call Edward when I was done? Ugh this was all so entirely screwed up, but as I looked up I saw Ian smiling at me, and I felt heat pulse through my entire body. _

_The bell rang too soon today and we both bolted from the classroom. Ian's must've been in anticipation but I was hoping to outrun Edward. As if that were even possible, but I was trying still and I was vaguely aware of that as we hopped into Ian's car, speeding off just as I saw Edward saunter out to his car. He looked unsuspecting and I felt the bile in my throat again. _

"_I'm n-n-not sure ab-b-out this," I stuttered. Ian only smiled at me._

"_It's okay, I won't make you uncomfortable," he tried to soothe me, but his words only added to my stress._

_What the hell was I doing here? But I couldn't stop this, and Ian parked in a place even I was unaware of, and I vaguely realized if I wanted to get away I would have no clue as to where to go. But just as the thought entered my mind Ian's fingers slowly traced down my neck, and I felt the heat in my body again._

"_I won't hurt you," he whispered, as his lips crashed into mine unexpectedly. I knew I should be feeling guilty. This was my bodys cue to stop and run for Edward, but instead I groaned into his mouth as my body craved more. I grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him closer, refusing to touch his hair, not wanting to trigger any thoughts of Edward._

_He nodded with his head that we go outside, and I followed shyly, as he gently picked me up and placed me on the hood of his car. He took me right there. Our clothes were off in record time, and soon he was pumping in and out of me, as I panted recklessly on the hood. His hands roamed my body, and I tried to mentally silence the alarms that were going off in my head screaming at me this wasn't right. This wasn't Edward. I felt close to my release than and I moaned, "Edward," softly escaped my lips, an image of his eyes, his face, the feel of his hair in my hands and my eyes shot open._

_What the fuck was I doing?_

_Mid-stroke, I pushed against Ian with all of my strength before jumping up grabbing my clothes._

"_Jesus Bella, what the fuck? You couldn't wait for me too?" he said, sounding annoyed that he hadn't gotten off. _

"_Fuck off, don't ever talk to me or touch me again." I said before attempting to saunter off, but I heard him snicker at me, "I swear to God, I'll have my boyfriend kill you," I whispered, which only insighted more laughter from him._

"_You came to me. Remember that. I didn't make you do anything," he snickered as he climbed back into his car before speeding away._

_And he was right. I had set this up. I had met him. I had followed through. I was a screw up._

_I began heading in the direction I saw Ian speed off, but just as I had predicted earlier I had no idea where I was, and every step made me feel as if I was actually traveling further away from home. The darkness began to envelope me and I felt the vibration in my pocket. Edward was calling._

_But I couldn't answer now. I wanted to be in the darkness. I wanted it to swallow me whole. I had been given this precious second chance and now I had screwed it up. I quickly moved to the nearest tree as vomit finally consumed me. I puked until all that came up was dry heaves, and even than my body continued that for a few minutes after, trying to purge myself of all the filth of myself._

_My fingers moved to run through my hair, and I felt it matted. Sex hair, and I gripped it tightly pulling, wanting to rip every piece from my scalp. I felt like I wanted to scrub my skin off. Even my clothes I wanted to burn._

_Tears consumed me as I sat next to my own vomit. I couldn't breathe. No, not that I couldn't, I didn't want to. How could I do this to Edward?_

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_I don't know how long I sat there before Edward showed up. I wasn't the least bit surprised he had come looking for me. One look at me and I could tell he was angry, although I wasn't completely sure, I refused to allow myself to look into his eyes._

"_Bella what happened? Who did this to you?" he said through clenched teeth, and I realized I must have the appearance of being raped. I covered my face with my hands once more._

"_Okay, it's okay," he whispered, gently picking me up off the ground, "lets just get you home."_

_It took no time to get to my house. Leading me to the bathroom Edward gently stripped my clothes off of me, examining every part of me, I was vaguely aware. I turned towards the tub turning the knob all the way to hot. As soon as the steam began rising, Edward reached towards it, to turn it towards a cooler setting, but I grabbed his wrist. Sitting in the bathtub as it filled with scalding water around me. I rested my head on my knees with my face towards the wall._

"_Oh Bella," he whispered, as he reached for my matted hair, but I shook his hand off, "It's not your fault," he murmured. Sobs began wracking me now, as he tried to console me._

"_Edward stop!" I nearly screamed, holding onto my legs now for support. He froze, worry etched into his face._

"_It is my fault," I sobbed, and he tried to quiet me but I pushed him away again, "I wanted it." I barely breathed._

_Edward sat stone still than. My heart broke even more with every second that ticked away without him moving, or breathing._

"_I know it's not enough, but I'm sorry," I whispered. We sat like that for what felt like eternity._

"_Bella," I breathed a sigh of relief at the sound of my name, it wasn't filled with venom or hatred like I had presumed. "I don't know how, or when, but we'll work through this," his lips barely moved and I felt new pieces of my heart shatter at the sound of anguish in his voice._

_But still there was my ray of hope: we would work through this._

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_Please please please don't hate me!!! _


	11. Little Dreamer

Thanks to those of you who are sticking this out. To those who think they want to stop reading my story well…I would say read on! I promise I'm not as cold hearted as I seemed in that last chapter. There is a method to my madness.

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BPOV

I bolted upright, noting that I was sweating profusely. The memories of the night before swirled through my mind, and I suddenly felt as though I couldn't breathe.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward said in his velvety sweet voice. Tears filled my eyes once again, I was such a horrible monster of a person. How could Edward even still be beside me when I had betrayed him?

"Oh Edward," I sobbed before thrusting myself towards him, wrapping my arms around his torso.

"Bella my love, shh," he murmured into my hair, as he rubbed circles in my back, "it was just a dream."

I sat up than, just a dream? Suddenly the details in the room came into view. Edward was lying next to me, still stock naked. His pale skin sparkled even in the soft light cast down by the clouds. His chest was even more defined during the day, and I gaped at him for a moment. My eyes grew wide as I looked down at my own bare chest realizing he was staring back at me, seeing me for the first time in the light, and my cheeks flushed at the thought that I had just been pressed up against him.

"But how could it be a dream….Edward it was so real," I whispered, as tears began to pour from my eyes. The colors bouncing off his chest seemed to cast a bright blue light into my eyes, which only made my tears fall faster.

"Do you want to talk about it love,?" he asked as his fingers weaved through my hair, trying to hide the hint of panic in his voice.

I shook my head, as I stared at the comforter on my bed, my fingers picking at an imaginer thread, avoiding his eyes. Would he see my thoughts of betrayal?

"Maybe I just need a shower to calm myself down," I said, wrapping my sheet around me as I stood up. Edward eyed me mischievously, "Need any help?" he asked, in a voice that normally would've made my knees turn to jello.

"No," my answer came to sudden, and Edward frowned, "but don't leave," I added before planting a small kiss on his forehead as I padded out to the bathroom.

Once the door was shut I stood, staring at myself in the mirror. I looked the same. My skin wasn't raw even though I had scrubbed it so roughly, my eyes didn't seem tired or red rimmed from crying, except from the few tears that had just fallen. Yet, how could everything have been a dream? I could clearly remember those blue eyes, his touch, the look of hurt on Edwards face. What did it all mean?

I turned the knob on the wall, waiting for the steam to fill the room, trying to grasp at some sort of understanding, but nothing came. I climbed into the shower, the water kneading the stress from my body, and I realized I was being silly. Of course it had just been a dream, I would never do something like that to Edward. He was my love, my life. The reason I was here at all. I smiled than, trying to forget my dream and remember the events from the night before. Closing my eyes I tried to envision Edward as he made love to me, the way his hands had explored my body, his gentleness, but every time I came to his eyes all I could see was blue. My stomach soured, I wanted those horrible gems out of my mind, out of my thoughts. After a my futile attempts I grumpily turned the water off than, and began to towel off.

Edward was standing right outside the bathroom door as I opened it, causing the both of us to jump. I smiled slightly, amused that I had actually surprised Edward.

"I just wanted to make sure you're alright," he practically stuttered. He must be nervous, and I wondered what about. Had I said something stupid in my sleep to alarm him?

I tried to shoot him a smile that would reassure him, "Yea I'm okay. That dream was just so bad I wanted to try to get it out of my head," I stated, staring into his dark eyes.

"I didn't….take things too far last night did I? I mean I thought you…" he began but I cut him off.

"NO…no, Edward, I've been waiting almost two lifetimes for last night." Raising both of my hands I gently placed them on his cheeks, rubbing small circles with my thumbs, genuinely smiling at him now. I felt a blush begin to form on my cheeks as thoughts of his hands on my bare skin filled my mind and I added, "It was perfect."

He seemed to accept that answer as he stared into my eyes. "That must've been some dream than," he sighed as he brushed a stray strand of hair behind my ear, I knew he was trying to get me to open up to him about it. I only nodded as he brought me gently to his chest, and I gratefully nestled into him, breathing in his scent that seemed to clear my mind.

We stood like that for not near long enough when I felt Edward lean back to look down at me, and I stared back up at him through my eyelashes. "I hate to do this," he began, "but I really need to hunt." I bit my bottom lip, unwilling to let him go just yet. "I promise I'll make it a short trip," he added, "I'll be back by tonight love." I sighed as I noticed how dark the circles under his eyes were, I couldn't let him sacrifice so much for me just because of a stupid dream. Especially after he'd risked so much last night to give me something I had always desired.

"Don't be silly," I interjected, "Take as long as you need. I'll be here waiting my love." Edward seemed to glow at my response as he swiftly leaned down to capture my lips in his own.

"I don't deserve you," he whispered, and I only shook my head at his silly thought. He turned towards the window than, glancing back once at me with a worried look before disappearing out my window. I sighed loudly. This was going to be a boring weekend.

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I dreamt of Ian again.

It was so life like. I woke up in tears, but this time Edward wasn't there to comfort me. I sat up, staring out the window silently willing Edward to come back despite what I had told him earlier. Instead I tried to recall every detail of my dream to see if I could make any sense out of it.

Ian had taken me on a date. We were in Port Angeles. The same restaurant Edward took me too after my near attack. The entire date felt wrong. The entire time I couldn't shake the feeling that I was betraying Edward. He held my hand across the table, and I loosely held it back, trying not to be rude and rip my hand away from him. It was odd how I felt like I had to give this man a chance. Everything about him screamed at me the differences between him and Edward. I couldn't even begin to listen to what he was telling me, but he didn't even seem to notice that I was staring absently at him. Every fiber of my being wanted Edward to be the one touching me, to pull my chair out, to kiss me softly at the door. I wanted to punch Ian. To run into the house screaming and vomit, but something kept me from it, and I wasn't sure what.

Edward wasn't in that dream, although I waited for him in anticipation. Throughout the entire time Ian was touching me, I wanted Edward to burst in, rip Ian's offensive hands from me and drag me away with him. To yell at me, or tell me how much he hated me. I just wanted Edward, not this Ian.

I tried to recall more of my dream, I knew there was more, something I wasn't getting but should be, but I couldn't quite pinpoint it.

I flopped back on my bed, frustrated. How I wished Edward could be here with me, to distract me in any way. I tried to think about every memory that Edward and I had. The first day we met, our meadow, prom, every moment that meant anything to me, but always it ended the same, with piercing blue eyes staring back at me. But they didn't evoke the feelings of desire and love as Edwards ever changing eyes. They made me feel trapped, as if I had lost something.

Finally I got up, turning on lights as I headed downstairs. I began rustling around in the kitchen, and finally settled on reading a book as I sat in the brightly lit house. I didn't want to sleep if I couldn't dream of Edward.

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EPOV

I hated to leave Bella like that, she seemed so upset.

Even though she had told me she was glad we'd taken the next step last night I couldn't help but feel that I had pressured her into it. I went against all my rules to prove not only to Bella my love and desire for her, but to myself. How could I be so stupid, we should've waited.

My mind wandered, as I thoughtlessly hunted my prey.

And that stupid dream. She had said a name, but not mine. Ian. It made my stomach clench at the thought. I couldn't stand that she was dreaming of someone else. I sighed than, knowing I was just being jealous, she had said it was a nightmare. It's not like she was dreaming good dreams about Ian.

How I wished I could read her thoughts, more than ever on this. She seemed like she felt so guilty, and I wished she would just open up to me, but I wouldn't push it.

"Edward," Emmett called from nearby, "Are you gonna hunt or just play with yourself all day," he jabbed.

"I'm coming," I grumbled, as I raced after him after my next meal, but thoughts of Bella consumed my mind. I couldn't wait to get home to her.

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Sigh, lol I so want to add more to this, but I plan for it to be at least one or two more chapters. I think I may start writing the next one tonight since I feel so motivated. I love all you reviewers, even those of you who hate me at the moment. haha


	12. Waiting

Okay so these thoughts have been floating around for a while, I'm finally motivated to put it all down, so you MIGHT get three updates at once. Haha ohh you lucky readers you. This is also sort of in honor of Angstgoddess003 because she is supposed to be update her amazing story wide awake and posting the next three chapters for us by Friday. {yay, cue squeal from wa fans!}

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BPOV

Ian and I were together again. We were at his house, watching some Television show that was droning on, although I wasn't paying attention. I could feel his constant stare on me, but I refused to break my gaze from the screen, annoyed that I was with him instead of Edward yet again.

"Bella," he said softly, "why won't you let me in? Let me know what's going on behind those eyes." He stared at me, trying to be soft and caring, but I just wanted to slam the glass in my hand into his head and walk away. Instead I pursed my lips, and crossed my arms in front of me trying to send him a silent message that I wasn't going to be talking to him, let alone opening up to him. I pressed my arms harder to my chest as I realized even the stupid nice things he tried to say to me came out sounding like Edward.

Tears filled my eyes. Edward. The one who I had ruined everything with. He didn't want me anymore, and I didn't blame him. I was a complete screw up. I wouldn't want me either if I kept putting him through so much pain. If he had to know that for some stupid messed up reason, Ian was some sort of competition to him.

I glanced sideways at Ian than, and almost snorted out loud. Ian could never even begin to compare to Edward. The more time I seemed to spend with him, the more time I noticed his stupid human flaws. I recalled stubbornly refusing to go with him when he had first tried to date me, and in an attempt to be cute and try to sway me into going out with him he had grabbed me in an attempt to carry me to the car. But not with ease like Edward would have, he was surprisingly weak, and was wheezing by the time he had carried me to his car, making me not only annoyed but self conscious that I was fat. I had been fuming, and slammed his hand in the door (accidentally….kind of) before stomping off into the house. His near broken fingers had angered me even more. Stupid breakable human.

I had stopped than, was that how Edward had thought of me? Always being careful because I was just a stupid breakable human? Tears flooded my eyes, as Ian begged me to get into the car with him, or at least let him in so we could talk. I stubbornly clamped my hands over my ears than, trying desperately to remember the sound of Edwards voice. Wishing he would come crawling through my window at any moment, and we could laugh at this stupid Ian trying to win his way into my heart.

My eyes rolled involuntarily as he continued to beg beside me. Wanting me to just open up to him. But I couldn't do it. Couldn't betray Edward any more than I already had. Even though he already obviously hated me.

Ian scooted closer to me than, wrapping his arms around my shoulder and every muscle in my body immediately tensed. Even if he sensed my discomfort he didn't show it and only scooted closer, reaching his other hand up to brush my cheek. I turned my head than, offended that he had touched me there.

"Did he touch you like that?" he whispered, staring at me in anticipation of some sort of answer. In hopes that I would finally break. But it only caused my jaw to clench tighter at the fact that he had brought Edward up. How dare he speak of the god that was Edward as if he was just some average person. He put his hand under my chin than, turning my head towards him and I once again felt the trapped feeling of his deep blue eyes…

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I woke with a start, dropping the book as I sat up suddenly. I had fallen asleep. Silently cursing myself, I stretched and attempted to lift myself from the couch, but flinched at the pain in my neck. I groaned than, causing my mood to sour even more with the fact that sleeping on the couch had made me feel almost as crappy as my stupid dreams.

Taking a deep breath, I tried again making it into a vertical position this time. I silently cursed myself as I walked up the stairs to my room, reminding myself to never sleep on that damn couch again. A brief hope filled me that Edward would be waiting there, but I frowned even deeper at the sight of my empty room. I realized than how groggy I felt, and despite my discontent with wanting to sleep, I knew I needed to get some more in order to salvage my mood for when Edward came home. Silently I prayed that he would be home earlier in the day as I slowly dozed off to sleep, willing myself not to dream.

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I could tell it was years later now.

Ian and I were in a gorgeous garden, and if I hadn't felt so utterly angry I would've felt like skipping around and smelling all of the gorgeous blooms. Ians face was contorted and I was vaguely aware that he was yelling at me.

"Bella," he growled at me in a tone that caused my blood to boil, "you can't keep acting like this!" he screamed.

"Like what?!" I shouted, noting how angry I sounded as I stared back into this ugly human face.

"You have to let it go, let him go! We can't ever be happy if you don't let him go!" and I felt like I had just been slapped at his words.

"And who the hell do you think you are?! I will never let him go!" my throat tightened than as I choked out the next sentence, "He is my life, and you will never even come close to him."

Instead of retaliating though, Ian's face had transformed from angry to caring. "Bella, I'm sorry I just….I love you so much, please don't leave me baby."

Rage flared at the sound of him calling me baby, but I bit it back as I stared at him. My insides screamed to turn and leave, but outwardly I only nodded my head as I allowed him to embrace me. As I breathed in, I noted that Ian's scent was repulsive and I fought back the urge to gag as he attempted to continue soothing me. Slowly, despite my will I began to relax into his embrace.

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I woke again with a start, thankful this time that daylight was shining through the windows. "I need to get out of here," I muttered, as I quickly threw on a clean pair of clothes. I glanced around briefly, knowing if Edward were home he would be here already, but after noting that he still hadn't returned I wondered vaguely who had gone hunting with him. I decided it didn't matter.

I showed up at the Cullens fifteen minutes later, and before I could raise my hand to knock the door was flung open by an eager Alice.

"Bella," she squealed, "I've been waiting for you all morning, breakfasts almost ready, come in, come in!"

I smiled brightly, feeling relief by Alice's excitement. The smell of the food made my stomach growl, and I realized how long it had been since I had eaten last.

Alice winked at me than, "I knew you would be hungry," I only smiled at her, thanking her with my eyes as I began to shove food into my mouth, for once not caring that Alice was staring at me as I ate. As my hunger began to subside I began to notice her continual stare and attempted to take the attention off of the copious amounts of food being consumed by me.

"Alice," I said after quickly swallowing a large bite, "have you…seen anything lately? Ya know, about me?" Alice frowned slightly than but didn't take her eyes off my mouth.

"Er…nothing really, besides you coming here this morning. Why is everything alright?" she asked sweetly, but something about her face told me she was keeping something from me, and I sighed before setting my fork down.

"Yea, yea. Just wondering ya know. Trying to make small talk," I smiled the best I could at her, but her eyes narrowed and I knew she had seen right through me. "Do you know when Edward will be back?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"Hmm, they should be home in an hour or so," she said, still staring at me as if she expected me to say something specific.

"Oh," I managed, "do you mind if I wait in Edwards room?" I asked hoping she would take the hint and leave me alone to anxiously wait for Edward.

"Of course," she said, beaming at me, "you know where my room is if you need anything," she chirped before bouncing out of the room.

I slowly walked up to Edwards room, realizing that I hadn't been in it in almost two hundred years. I took a deep breath as I turned the knob, not sure what to expect. I smiled when I realized it was nearly the same. The furniture had been updated, but the large book collection was still there, along with his music collection that had considerably grown.

I slowly walked through his room, fingering each book spine, and CD case, as memories flooded back. I stopped at a desk, this hadn't been there before. I smiled as I saw the sheets of music on top, most likely of things Edward had composed, and I lifted them from the desk. My fingers traced over every note, and I made a mental note to ask Edward to play these for me when he returned. I missed his music.

I glanced down before I placed the music sheets back in their place and froze in my spot as my eyes widened. Staring up at me were a pair of piercing blue eyes.

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Hashanah lies lies lies. There may be four chapters in store for you, we'll see how this next one plays out though.


	13. Enlightened

Sooo I just noticed when I type too many ha's it types out Hashanah so….don't think that's what I meant. I don't know what that means. {hopefully nothing bad} but it was intended to be a series of ha's!

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BPOV

I felt as if my heart had stopped beating. Why did Edward have a picture of Ian? And who the hell was Ian if it was all just a dream? Just a part of my imagination?

I reached down to grab the picture, but realized it was part of an album. I flipped to the next picture and saw myself, with Ian, smiling. I felt sick. Oh my god, could this really have happened? Had I really hurt Edward like this? Panic filled me, when I suddenly heard the door open behind me.

"Bella," I could hear Edward's smile in his voice, "What are you doing here?" I turned towards him than, clutching the photo album.

"Edward, what is this?" I whispered, and his smile quickly faded as he stared at my fists around the black book.

"Bella, I can explain…" he began, and I broke down into sobs than, "Bella, Bella what's wrong," he asked, as he rushed to my side.

"Explain what Edward?! Explain how I'm such a horrible, horrible person," I sobbed, as I tried to hide my face from him in my hands, dropping the album to the ground with a soft thud.

"Bella, no," he said as his arms wrapped protectively around me, which only made me feel worse knowing that I had subject him to so much hurt.

"I just don't understand," I whispered, staring at the offensive book. "Who is that? Why do you have pictures of him? Why are there pictures of me with him?" I asked, but Edward didn't seem to mind my bombardment of questions.

"You really don't remember," he asked, as if there were something to actually remember. I shook my head at him as he continued, "Bella that was your husband."

My mouth fell open in shock and my eyes grew wide. "What?" I whispered in a grainy voice. "If he was my…than why don't I…?"

"I don't know," Edward responded as he gently picked me up off the floor and carried me over to his leather chair.

"But he can't be my…husband, he was in my nightmares but they were just…." I was talking to myself than, trying to make a rational explanation as to what was going on. But my memories of Edward has started out as dreams, until I realized that they were memories from my previous life. Why couldn't this be true. It all started to click, but the more that made sense the more I detested myself. I hated Ian. How could I have married him and made a life with him when all I had ever desired was Edward?

"You were in one of my dreams though….did that really….?" I stopped, biting my lip not wanting to have to go into too much detail, in fear it would remind him of my worst betrayal.

"No Bella…well at least I wasn't there. You started dating Ian after I left," he said, a pained look in his eyes. Oh.

"Do you mind if I look through these?" I asked, curiously, as I pointed towards the book on the floor, afraid I might offend Edward in some way if I picked it up.

"Of course," he said, grabbing the book from the floor and placing it in my lap. "I'll give you some time alone," and kissing my head he left the room before I could protest. I stared at the book in my lap, afraid to open it, afraid to see what was inside. Finally with a deep breathe I closed my eyes and turned to the first page, and willed myself to look.

It was Ian and I, it looked like we were going to some school dance thing. Maybe prom. There were dark circle under my eyes and I looked absent, as if it was my body that had attended the prom and nothing else. But than again that must be it, the dance would've only reminded me of Edward and make me desire to be in his arms, not the offending ones in the pictures. But Ian looked happy, as he beamed at the cameraman, apparently proud that even this trodden me was on his arm that night. I turned the page, it was Ian and I after graduation. His arm was around me with a huge grin, and I was slightly smiling but the dark circles were still ever present under my eyes, and once again I could see the glint missing from my eyes and I knew I had been missing Edward once again.

Picture after picture I looked through my life with Ian. My wedding picture in which the dark circles had finally receded, but the glimmer in my eyes that was only for Edward had not returned, and I vaguely remembered wishing it was Edward vowing his eternal love to me and not Ian. There were pictures of births, my pictures of my children as they grew, pictures of their own proms and than their weddings and the birth of their children. In each picture my smile grew a little wider but the glimmer never returned.

My fingers traced over every line of the faces I saw, but my heart no longer held the attachment to them that they used to, and finally I closed the book to a past life and sighed. Everything seemed so clear now, how could I not have realized.

"Edward," I whispered, but I knew he heard me, had probably been waiting anxiously for me to make some sort of noise to indicate that I would desire his return. Just as I thought a moment later he was through the door, but he didn't say a word, only stared at me as he waited for me to speak. "Why do you have these?" I asked, curiosity getting the best of me.

"I'm sorry," he said, staring deeply into my eyes, with his own that were filled with regret. "I couldn't help it. I always had to come back and check on you, but sometimes I would hire a private investigator to take pictures of you. Just proof that you were happy…that I had made the right decision. At first it was hard, you seemed so desolate and lost and I wanted to rush to your side and comfort you. But than Ian came along, and slowly you warmed to him, and your smile returned….Sometimes I would take the pictures myself though," he continued on, though his voice had nearly failed him, "some of those, I snuck into your house when you were away…I took some pictures I knew you had doubles to. I would smell your pillow, that wonderful smell of strawberries….just to feel like I was close to you…like it was me instead of him," both of our eyes were pooled with tears now as I stared at a man who loved me more than I could have ever realized until that moment.

"Edward," I replied slowly, "I'm not mad at you. I could never be mad at you. I'm not even upset that you have these. I'm glad actually, because they've made me realize so much," I paused than, as I stared at the cover of the book and I heard Edward take a sharp breath of air as he waited for me to continue, "My dreams have been so horrible Edward. I was so unhappy when you left. I refused to accept Ian, because he wasn't you. I hated him, all I thought was that I was betraying you. Now that I've seen these, I think that…I never stopped hating him. I just accepted that he was the best I could get. Because I knew I couldn't get what I wanted…what I needed. I couldn't get you. And I think that night we made love, Edward, is what set this off. Not because it was a mistake," I added, as his eyes darkened in what I assumed was guilt, "because it reminded me that every time Ian touched me. Every time he held my hand, or kissed me, or…made love to me…I felt like I was betraying you. And now we get a second chance, and I still feel like I betrayed you." A sob stuck in my throat as tears began to flow freely down my cheeks, "I should've waited too," I whispered, as I finally gave into my tears letting them wash over me thoroughly.

Edward didn't move, as I sobbed, and I wondered if he too finally realized just how I had betrayed him in everyway.

Finally my sobs slowed and I looked up at Edward, prepared to see fire and anger, but instead I saw he too was sitting on the floor crying.

"Bella," he croaked, through his own tears, "I was so wrong." My heart stopped, as I wondered what he meant by that statement. "I should've never let you go."

"Oh Edward," I cried as I flung my arms around his neck, he sobbed into my shoulder before lifting his eyes to meet mine.

"I would never see your happiness as betrayal my Bella, I wanted it for you. But now I have you, and I know you are fully mine, I have no doubts about that. Please do not doubt yourself. This is our fresh start," he whispered, and his words filled my heart with hope as I pulled his neck towards me, crushing his lips to mine.

His lips met mine with the same eager force, as his fingers slowly traced up my back causing me to shudder. My fingers moved through his hair as our tongues slowly entwined eliciting a tiny moan from me. He gently laid me back on his chair so that I was laying down as one of his hands slowly traced down my side, causing my back to arch.

"Edward," I moaned, "make me yours."

EPOV

Bella had just opened up to me so much, and I couldn't believe it normally I would've had to try to per sway her to let me in, but now she was willing to share everything with me. Than she had kissed me with such force, I couldn't resist kissing her back. But it was those words she had spoken that sent me over the edge.

Make me yours.

Desire filled my body as I stared into her pleading eyes, begging me to make her completely mine again. To let her know that I still wanted her just as badly, even though she felt as if she were tainted. How could I tell that perfect angel face no?

My lips molded to hers than as my fingers reached the hem of her shirt. I ripped it off of her, in one fell swoop, and smiled inwardly at her sharp intake of breath and obvious arousal at my method of disrobing her. She was so easy to read.

I kissed my way down her chest, feeling her breasts rise and fall with every rigid breath she took. I kissed her gently, staring into her eyes the entire time, which seemed to be turning her on even more, as she moaned lightly at the feel of my cool lips on the top of her breast while her fingers worked their way through my hair.

Just as with the shirt, I grabbed the soft material of Bella's bra, as I gazed into her eyes. She seemed to beg me to do it, so again with ease I ripped the material from her body, still amazed at how gorgeous she was without clothes. My lips trailed lightly over her nipples, and I watched as her eyes rolled back into her head. I liked teasing her, the fire that it ignited in her eyes was a turn on by itself. It did this a few more times, before her fingers tightened in my hair, and I knew she was trying to keep herself from trying to push my head into her breast. Without warning I grabbed her nipple gently between my teeth.

"Oh," she moaned, as I repeated the action, and her hold on my head became even stronger, causing my own eyes to roll back into my head. I released them than slowly as I kissed my way down her stomach, my fingers pinching the nipples my lips had left behind.

When I came to the top of her pants, her breath hitched, and I smiled than, knowing this would drive her wild. I grabbed the top with my teeth and slowly unbuttoned her pants with my mouth, as her eyes were wide with shock and desire. I gently squeezed her breast before letting my fingers slowly trail down her stomach, as I pulled her jeans off.

Her panties were soaking I could tell by the smell, but I shoved my nose right where I knew her nub was and inhaled deeply, making sure to rub quickly against her clit. "Edward," she moaned, and her fingers gently kneaded my scalp. I looked up at her again, a devilish grin on my face as I grabbed the top of her panties with my teeth, and she whimpered this time.

Slowly I pulled them from her body, tossing them to the floor as I appreciated the view in front of me. Bella naked, and she was leaking, on my couch. It was my wildest fantasy, but I knew I had to stay in control. I was doing this for Bella.

My attention turned back to her slit, as I slowly slid a finger along it, making sure to add more pressure when I came to her nub. Her eyes flickered as they threatened to close, but she made them stay open, wanting to watch me touch her. God, she had to know how damn sexy she was.

I slipped my finger into her without warning and she moaned appreciatively. Watching my finger disappear into her from this angle, was even better than before. I looked up at her, and her eyes were still on me. Always curious, my Bella. My tongue quickly flicked out hitting her clit, causing her to moan louder. I did it again, greeted by the same sound.

"You're so sexy when you moan for me," I whispered, unable to stop the words from falling from my lips. She didn't seem to mind though, and only moaned louder. My tongue flicked out again, but this time with more pressure, and she grabbed the back of my head, shoving me fast first into her sex. I groaned at the smell and taste that surrounded my mouth, and she moaned back in appreciation of the vibrations. My finger continued to work it's way in and out of her, and I wanted her to lose control for me. I sped up, and her legs wrapped around my neck. I felt her muscles tighten around my fingers and I knew she was almost there. With one last hard thrust of my hand, and flick of my tongue I felt her muscles began to spasm as she repeatedly moaned my name. I realized I was rock hard, and before she could fully come down from her orgasm I was naked, and slowly pushed my throbbing member into her.

She groaned in a throaty voice, and her eyes met mine, as I began to thrust into her. Her orgasm still hadn't stopped and I knew the friction I was causing was only prolonging it, which made me smile. Bella wrapped her legs around my hips, as I reached up to squeeze her breasts, gently pinching her nipples. "Edward," she was still moaning my name as she grabbed my hand, taking the finger that had been inside of her she slowly brought it to her mouth and began sucking on my finger.

The sensation of being inside of her and the feel of her mouth on my finger was almost too much, and I began thrusting into her harder. She didn't seem to mind as her moans quickly turned to half screams.

"Oh Edward," she moaned loudly, "you feel so good inside of me." Oh my god. Did she know what she was doing to me? My head began to spin as I continued my thrusting. My free hand reached down as my thumb easily found her swollen clit and began to rub it, her hips bucked involuntarily against me, causing me to groan.

I was so close when Bella reached her tiny little hand between us, gently cupping my balls in her hand. "Oh my god Bella," I groaned as I thrust into her one last time, as she continued to ride her orgasm. Our muscles clenched in rhythm as I lay gently against her.

"I don't care how many guys you've been with," I panted against her chest, "you are always mine, and nobody will make you feel like that." I said cockily.

"You're right," she whispered, in a sexy husky voice, "I am always yours."

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Of course they had to have welcome home, make up, I'm glad it was a dream sex!!! lol

Yea so you do not get another chapter….well tonight. I need sleep. Lol maybe when I wake up I can provide you with something. Although I'm assuming it'll come out as more smut right now. Would you guys mind? Did you mind the sex after all this drama nonsense? Give me some feedback people! Love you all, that's why I gave you a three chapter update!!! Haha longest chapter so far.


	14. Pain and Pleasure

Go ahead, you can say it. "What four new chapters in under 24 hours?!" yep I love you guys that much.

And thank you thank you thank you InkStainedFire for helping me out.

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BPOV

I dreamt only of Edward that night as I slept.

I could feel myself being pulled out of my sleep, but kept my eyes closed, and tried to focus on my breathing. I didn't want Edward to know I was up. He would insist I eat, but all I wanted to do right now was enjoy the feeling of our bodies intertwined.

Edward was lying on his back, and I could almost feel the warmth his smile was radiating. I swallowed down my own smile, as I tried to commit every tiny detail of this moment to memory. My left hand rested on his chest, with his one hand in my own, our fingers locked, while his left hand was twirling a piece of my hair between his fingers. I realized just how intimate just this was, and it took all of my strength not to smile and snuggle my face deeper into his chest. This was my heaven. His leg was sandwiched between my own legs, my entire body was pressed against him, and I was becoming aware of how good his cold body felt on my own overheated skin. My nipples hardened, at the thought of our closeness, and I tried to brush it off as though I were just chilled.

Edward must've sensed I was awake however because his hand left my hair to gently trace down my spine causing me to shudder and press my body even closer to him. I couldn't stifle the smile that graced my lips than as I gently pressed a kiss to his chest, sighing in satisfaction in hopes that he would let our silent passion continue.

"Good morning," he whispered, and I squeezed his hand tighter as his thumb began to caress my own thumb.

"Why does it have to be morning?" I groaned slightly, as I closed my eyes, willing our perfect night to return. "I don't want this moment to ever end," I admitted.

"It has to though, but we can make just as many perfect moments as these," he reassured me, as he smoothed the hair from my face.

I sighed deeply, before lifting my head to finally look into my angels eyes. He smiled down at me as his fingers slowly traced over my cheek bone and down my throat. I felt the rush of heat between my legs at his touch, and immediately blushed as I realized he could probably feel it on his leg. His grin only grew as he stared down at me, and I was unsure of what to do next.

"Time to get up?" he asked, and frowned slightly, not wanting to break our intimate hold on one another, and hoping that he was going to fix the problem he had just created. As if he could read my mind he said, "You have to eat, we can deal with that later." He smirked, only causing me to blush more as I slowly sat up, stretching my limbs. I glanced around than and suddenly remembered that Edward had shredded my bra and shirt the night before.

"Should I just walk around topless?" I teased, gaining a sense of confidence and he quickly glanced down at my chest before slowly licking his bottom lip.

"You can wear one of my shirts," he said, tossing me the nearest shirt. I pulled it over my head quickly, appreciating his scent that still clung to the fabric.

"What will the others think?" I asked, trying to joke with Edward, but I suddenly realized that everyone had probably been home last night, and had heard everything. I must've turn as red as a tomato as I heard Edward chuckle.

"Don't worry Bella, everyone left when I got home last night. Alice saw this coming," but somehow the thought that Alice had seen the events that had taken place last night didn't reassure me. Edward laughed again, "She didn't see everything, she just knew something was going to happen."

"Oh," I managed, although I still felt embarrassed that the Cullens had to leave their own home because of us, "Maybe we should keep these activities to my house," I added, trying to sound playful again. Edward only nodded.

"Would you like breakfast here or at home?" he asked, as I pulled my jeans on.

"Hmm, home I think, I really need to shower," I said, before lifting my arm and making a face in emphasis of how dirty I felt. Edward rolled his eyes but grabbed my hand as we made our way down the stairs.

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EPOV

Not too long after Bella stood in front of me, as she began to make herself something for breakfast. To my surprised, when we had walked in the front door, Bella had shed her pants complaining that they were too tight and uncomfortable. Now I watched her from behind, noting how hot she looked in just my shirt and the boy shorts that clung to the curves of her waist and ass. I tried to look around the kitchen, not wanting to ogle here, but after a swift once over of the kitchen I found my gaze back on her thin frame.

Images began to flash through my mind from the night before. The way Bella had moaned my name, the feel of being inside of her, I felt my erection grow as memories raced through my mind.

I was brought back to reality when I heard Bella huffing, and I noticed she was struggling to open the lid on the jar. She was so cute. I was behind her in a flash as I wrapped my arms around her. I felt her suck in her breath at my close proximity and wondered if she too had been thinking about the night before. "Let me get that," I said into her ear.

I heard her breath hitch as she surrendered the jar to me, with a gentle *pop* the lid came off as I set it down on the counter in front of her, not ready yet to let her go. The smell of her skin seemed to call to me, but not to bite her but to kiss her, and ravish her in any and everyway.

My fingers traced slowly up and down her arms, and I felt the goosebumps the feel of my fingers on her skin seemed to arise. She leaned back into me, closing her eyes as her head rested against my shoulder. Her neck seemed to call to me as I leaned in and began raining kisses along her exposed skin. My hands seemed to move on their own accord as they moved down her sides, resting on her hips. I hooked my thumbs in the top, and gently brushed against the area where the fabric had just been.

She turned her head to look at me than, and her eyes burned with passion. Her right hand snaked around my neck, as she pulled my head towards her, capturing my lips in her own. My fingers slowly worked their way up under the hem of her shirt as my hands caressed her stomach. She gasped at my touch, and I could almost swear I could feel the butterflies that had taken over her emotions. She deepened our kiss than, turning her head slightly allowing me further into her mouth.

My hands continued up her body and soon my fingers brushed against the underside of her breast. We both moaned at the feel, as my hands began to slowly caress the soft skin. She pushed back into my groin, making me moan as I returned the favor shoving my hard member against her.

Her hand left my neck as the other one came up, both of them resting on top of my hands that were caressing her. She gave my hands a small squeeze, encouraging me to continue, but than suddenly she was pulling my hands away from her breasts as she guided my hands back down her stomach. Her hands on mine, she slowly used my hands to push down her panties. A low growl escaped my lips as I ran a finger along her slit, feeling her desire for me.

Without turning around, her hand reaching in between us as she unbuttoned my own pants, and the slid down my legs to the floor. Grabbing her hands in my own, I guided her hands to remove my own boxers and marveled at how erotic the entire thing was as her hands ran down my thighs.

"Edward, please," she moaned, and I didn't need any more instruction as I lifted her from the floor, slowly lowering her onto myself. She let out a throaty moan, as both of her hands this time wrapped around my neck, running her fingers through my hair. She stood on tiptoe, her back to me, as I slowly began to move in and out of her in gentle thrusts.

My right hand slid back up her stomach, to continue caressing her breast, pinching her nipple between my fingers. My left hand stayed on her waist as I guided our movements. Her head fell back against my shoulder again as moans escaped her soft lips.

"Edward," she moaned, "you're so deep in me like this," she gasped, and I closed my eyes trying to control myself, not wanting to lose it too soon, but I couldn't stop the throaty growl that left my own throat.

I nuzzled my head into her neck, as I slowly sped up. I couldn't help it as my lips began to kiss her neck, each kiss longer. It was taking all of my control not to suck on her neck, knowing that much skin pooling so close to my teeth at this point could end dangerously for us. Instead I focused on what I was doing.

My left hand moved from her waist, as it slowly headed towards her hot center. My fingers finally came to rest on her nub as I gently flicked it, as I pulled halfway out.

"Ugh," she moaned, her toes giving out as she slammed back onto me, making me gasp at the feel. I couldn't help myself than, as my lips found her neck once again and slowly began sucking right below her ear, making sure that my teeth were no where near her skin. "Oh God," she groaned as her fingers gripped tighter around my neck.

"Edward, oh Edward…I need you…please…bite me now. I need to feel your teeth on my skin." My eyes shot open, and I wasn't sure if I was turned on by her request or disturbed by it. Was she really asking me to change her while we were making love?

"Edward…" she gasped, as she began to move herself on me, her head turned towards mine as I saw the fire in her eyes, right before she lunged for my neck, her own soft bite sinking into my flesh, causing my knees to buckle slightly as I growled. "Please," she groaned huskily as she once again raised herself up and slammed back onto me. At that point I wasn't sure who was in control anymore, Bella or I. I wasn't sure if I decided or she did but at that moment, I jerked her head to the side, still gentle not to hurt her as I sank my teeth into her soft flesh.

The sensation of her on riding me, mixed with the taste of her blood and the sound of her continuous moans, was enough to make me keep going forever. I added pressure to the finger on her clit, as she lost herself on me, moaning my name and begging me not to stop.

I lifted my lips from her skin, licking the open wounds gently to keep her from bleeding, and I briefly wondered if I would regret this later. Bella continued to moan, and I noted that despite that fact that my venom was now coursing through her veins, she didn't seem to be feeling any pain, but I had to ask just in case.

"Bella does it hurt?" I asked, throatily, slightly worried that she was going to hate me for complying with her. She had to know I couldn't tell her no right?

"Ohhhh Edward," she moaned, "it hurts so good." My eyes rolled back in my head as her fingers found my hair, and she gently tugged on it. I continued thrusting into her, as her muscles spasmed around me. I could hear her moans mixed with pain and pleasure as torrents of emotions ran through my body.

Before long, Bella's heart was pounding profusely, and I noted that her change was going far faster than any other I had ever witnessed. "Harder, Edward," Bella demanded, and I happily obliged, feeling the change in her once fragile skin, that was now more like mine. She moaned gratefully at the new friction this was causing.

Her fingers dug deeper into my scalp, but now it actually hurt, and I reveled in the fact that she was no longer breakable. Her face turned towards me now, and I noted her eyes were now a bright red, which only added to the look of fire in her eyes.

"Edward, please," she demanded, "I need to feel you come in me," at her words I exploded, rubbing her clit one more time, feeling her muscles clench even tighter around me. I rested my forehead on her shoulder, noting how she no longer felt like the fire to my ice as I panted, taking in her new scent.

"Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" she purred, her fingers finally releasing from my hair.

"You're going to be the death of me," I stated, as the chimes of her laughter reverberated through my mind.

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Bahaha. Yea sorry guys there will be no Nessie in this. I love her, but I'm enjoying writing this smut nonsense, so we don't need any kids in there messing it up.

Btw any takes on the Bella being changed during sex thing? I liked it, cause personally like InkStainedFire I am sick of seeing Bella in pain and whatnot for days on end.


	15. Pleasure and Pain

Haha so here I am freaking a stressing, page refreshing wreck, waiting for supposed update from AG for Wide Awake that I am too anxious to sit down and write you guys an update. But than as I panic waiting for other fic updates that some of you are the same way about mine! Damn, sorry to keep you guys waiting I know this sucks. But if you ever need something to read in the meantime, I totally have a million rec's I could give out lol, and my number grows daily!

This is Bella's POV on being changed from last chapter. Don't worry we'll be moving on rather swiftly after that…at least that's my plan. Unless AG updates. haha

**haha omg you guys i'm so sorry apparently i updated the wrong chapter! ha here's what i really meant to give you. sorry for any anxiety i may have cause!**

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BPOV

We finally got home, and I hurriedly kicked off my pants, annoyed at how they seemed to make me feel suffocated. I didn't even realize until I was walking to the kitchen the affect this may have on Edward. Blushing slightly, I continued on to embarrassed now to turn back around and cover myself back up.

_Edward had seen much more of me_, I kept trying to remind myself.

I quickly began pulling things from the fridge as my stomach angrily reminded me of it's hunger. Two slices of bread were laid out in front of me as I grabbed the mayonnaise jar from the fridge, trying to bend as little as possible as I felt Edward's eyes assess my every movement. I gripped the lid tightly, but it refused to budge an inch. My hands began to feel sweaty as I tried to ignore the feel of Edward's stare on my back side, but this only made the lid seem more stubborn as I sighed audibly.

Before I could realize that I had just drawn attention to myself Edward was behind me, his body pressed close to mine as her gingerly plucked the jar from my hands. Of course it only took him a second to remove the lid, and I would've rolled my eyes, if my body hadn't decided to suddenly tense up on me as a shiver ran down my spine.

I tried to think of anything else, willed myself to believe that Charlie could still walk in at any moment, but all thoughts were banished when I felt Edward's gentle touch on my arms. Goosebumps raised up and my mouth went dry as my body suddenly flushed with heat.

My head fell back against Edwards chest, his head leaning into mine as he slowly began to drag his lips across my skin. His hands moved slowly down my sides to my hips, and I became slightly aware that I had grabbed my pieces of bread, turning them into a mass of crumbs. His fingers slowly pushed my panties down, rubbing slightly against my hip bones, causing my hands to clench even tighter around what now appeared to be deformed rolls.

My hands opened than, dropping the substance on the counter as I turned my head, staring into Edward's lust fill eyes that I was sure matched my own. Before I knew what my body was doing, I could feel Edwards smooth neck on my hand as I yanked him forward, demanding his lips take my own. He happily obliged as our tongues danced together, only adding fuel to my fire.

His fingers left my waist band than, and I felt disappointment rising in the pit of my stomach, afraid he might pull away, when suddenly his smooth hands were gently moving up my stomach. I gasped, moving my hand up slightly into his hair, willing him to come even closer to me, praying that he wouldn't stop.

Soon I felt his fingertips brush the underside of my breast, and I moaned into his mouth. Did he just moan back into mine? God that was sexy. His hands slowly began to trace up my breasts, gently pinching my nipple, and I felt a sharp intake of breath that suppressed another moan that was building inside of me. He repeated the action again, causing my back to arch as my ass pushed into him. God he was so hard. He groaned at the feel of me, making my desire for him even stronger.

I needed him to touch me. Now. Pulling away from our kiss, I moved my own hands on top of Edwards. Somehow feeling his hands on my breasts was even more arousing than I had imagined, and I couldn't help but squeeze my fingers around his, making him squeeze my breasts in return. I would have to remember that one for later. Slowly I pulled his hands from my chest as I inched them back down my stomach, making sure his finger tips still trailed across my skin, causing goose bumps to rise again.

I pushed both of our hands slowly below the waist band of my panties, as I slowly pushed them off of myself, reveling in the feel of the warm and cold of our bodies together. Edward released his hands from my grip then, letting out a low sexy growl as his finger traced along me. I shuddered in response, as I tried to control myself from spinning around and taking him on the table behind him. No I was going to let him do this.

I willed myself to breath as I reached back between the two of us, unbuttoning his pants. They slid easily to the floor, I smiled, wishing I could see the reaction on Edward's face. Instead he grabbed my hands in his own, repeating my own actions as I pushed his boxers to the floor. It felt just as good having him control my hands as it did to control his. My pulse quickened in anticipation.

"Edward, please," I heard myself beg. He gently lifted me up, impaling me slowly back down onto him. I moaned marveling at how deep he felt inside of me from this angle. My arm instinctively went back to his neck as my fingers ran through his silky hair as I willed him to continue. He slowly begin to thrust into me, and my head spun at the new friction he was creating against our bodies.

His hand began to roam my body than. He grabbed a handful of my breasts, pinching my nipple forcefully between his finger tips as his other hand gripped my waist tightly. His thrusts became more forceful, my eyes rolling back into my head as moans began to escape my lips.

"Edward," I cried, "you're so deep in me like this." I spoke without realizing what I was saying, my filter must have been lost in my desire. He growled in my ear, only causing more wetness as I felt Edwards grip tighten on my waist and his hand began to roughly assault my breast. It felt like heaven. Rough heaven.

He buried his head in my neck, and the feel of his cool skin made my muscles involuntarily contract around him. Edward began kissing my neck again, licking it slightly, and I wished at that moment he would just suck my neck, give it a playful bite. I knew he wouldn't, no couldn't, and the thought frustrated me. Now we could finally be so close, but something was still hindering us from being as close as we absolutely wanted.

His hand left my waist now, and I wondered momentarily if there would be a bruise there tomorrow. Edward would be pissed at himself if their was. My thoughts were interrupted, however, when I felt his fingers brush against my clit, causing my body to tense.

He pulled slightly out of me and I whimpered at the absence of him so deep in me. I groaned at him, but he was playing with me now, teasing me, and I straightened my feet out than as our bodies slammed back together. Holy fuck. Suddenly Edwards face was in my neck this time, but this time he was gently sucking my neck causing an entire jolt to pass through my body, "Oh God," I nearly screamed at the feel of it. At that point I couldn't care if he was sucking the life out of me, all I knew was that I didn't want anything in the world to stop this feeling now.

His fingers were still rubbing my clit, as his lips sucked on my neck, and I knew at that moment I wanted all of him. I wanted him as deep as he could be, thrusting into me as hard as he could. I wanted to feel his venom inside of me. I needed to be unbreakable, so we could be together the way we both desired.

"Edward, oh Edward…I need you…please…bite me now. I need to feel your teeth on my skin." I begged, praying that he would, knowing that if he did he would most likely send me over the edge. Yep, filter was definitely gone, and I momentarily panic as his lips froze on my neck, afraid he would pull away and end all of this pleasure he was inflicting on my body.

"Edward," I begged, as I stood up on tiptoe, and than flattened my foot again slamming myself back onto him repeatedly. I turned my head towards him, seeing the conflict and desire in my eyes as he stared back at me. Without realizing what I was doing, my teeth were sinking into Edward's strong skin, as I moaned into his neck as his taste filled my mouth. "Please," I begged again as I continued to thrust myself onto Edward. Suddenly Edward grabbed my head, facing it back forward as he leaned my neck over slightly.

His teeth sunk into my skin sending a shock wave of pleasure straight to my clit, and the feeling was only heightened by Edward's own pressure to my clit. Suddenly my body was convulsing as I felt my muscles contracting around Edward. I felt as if my body were thrashing everywhere, and my pulse quickened. I felt my body temperature rise as Edward continued thrusting and rubbing my clit, prolonging my orgasm.

"Edward…Edward…Edward," I moaned continuously, wanting this amazing feeling to never end.

"Bella, does it hurt," Edward asked, briefly interrupting my high.

"Oh Edward," I nearly squealed, "It hurts so good." It sounded so cliché, so porno, but at that moment it did. I could feel his cool venom racing through my veins, but it only momentarily quenched the fire in my body, and only seemed to add fuel to my need. My fingers wrapped once again in Edward's hair as my never ending orgasm continued on. I could feel the friction of every thrust, Edwards finger still on my clit. My senses tingled, as everything seemed to become heightened.

It felt like days that Edward was inside of me, fucking me, making love to me. But slowly everything came into focus. I could hear my heartbeat thudding in my chest, but I could also hear the sound of our bodies slapping together. Edwards grip seemed to grow tighter around me, but instead of pain all I felt was safety.

"Harder, Edward," I demanded, as the friction seemed to grow lighter, and he grunted before pounding into me even harder. I moaned, and began thrusting back myself, noting that only a short while before this kind of intensity would've probably killed me.

My fingers instinctively dug deeper into Edwards scalp as I heard him softly mutter, "ow." The sense of my new strength, only drove my frenzy more as I began to thrust my body back onto Edward even harder, and I knew he had to be close already.

"Edward, please," I groaned, "I need to feel you come in me." And he did as soon as the words left my lips, his fingers flicked my clit one last time and I felt myself tighten even harder around Edward, and I wondered if I would possibly hurt him. But he began moaning my name as he chanted, "Bella," holding onto my hips for support. We both climaxed together for what felt like hours. Finally, panting, we slowly came down, Edward resting his forehead against my shoulder.

"Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" I asked, finally relaxing my hold on Edward, although I knew it wouldn't be for long. In this new body I finally understood just how much desire vampires felt, and I knew it would only be a matter of moments before I would need Edward again.

"You're going to be the death of me," he stated, almost as if he could read my mind.

I spun around than, forcefully kissing him, as he grabbed my own head full force kissing me back.

"But what a way to go," I whispered, before slowly tracing my fingers up his inner thigh. His eyes narrowed, as he growled shoving me up against the counter with so much force, I felt pieces of it fall away as he quickly began thrusting into my still wet center, my head falling back at this new sensation. This was going to be a fun night.

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Nope, sure not gonna give you the details of their after sex…maybe next chapter. Maybe not. Lol. I'm planning now that they are equals the next couple of chapters are going to just be smut: shameless, sexy smut. If that bothers you, well…just give me a couple chapters to get it out of my system!

Love you all!


	16. The Aftermath

_Sorry guys this one's gonna be a little short. I think probably two more chapters left…maybe an epi too….we'll see how it plays out. I just don't know where else I can go in this story._

_But I do have another {hopefully} epic one in the makings! So please read that, I'm hoping to get out a first chapter or two in the next few days, but I really want to finish this first. I love you all!!_

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EPOV

"Bella, I'm so sorry," I gasped, wide eyed at the realization of what'd I'd just done. How could I give into my primal instincts, I could've killed Bella! I buried my face in my hands, knowing I wasn't even worthy enough to look at the goddess that now stood before me.

"Edward," a melodic voice chimed, causing a knot to form in my stomach, "don't be sorry." Her voice was husky again, and I wondered how she could be so forgiving while being so full of lust at the same time. She should be craving blood, not wanting my body!

She had moved closer to me now, my body betrayed my thoughts as it hastily became aroused. I clenched my fists, willing my body to obey and not jump this new incredible creature before me.

Bella was now the image of perfection, not that she wasn't gorgeous before, but the change had accentuated all of her already wonderful traits. Her movements were more fluid now, her dark hair cascading down her back. Her skin was the same pale as mine, flawless and hard. The only real difference was the bright red of her eyes, which might creep out some, but to me it screamed sexy.

"Isabella," I moaned in agony, but was cut off my Bella's hand in front of my mouth. I bit my lip, trying not to reach out to lick and suck her fingers, noticing that now her scent enticed me in an entirely different manner.

"No, Edward," she whispered, her fingers tracing my lips now, "I asked for it. Don't you dare be sorry. You were going to change me anyway." I stared up at her, unable to breathe or move. I was now the one being dazzled.

She was right, Bella was always right. She had asked me, and we had agreed previously that eventually I would change her. I let out a breath as I stared up at her, still unwilling to fully forgive myself. I felt my resolve start to slip away as her fingers continued down my lips and to my jaw line. My eyes rolled back into my head, but I was quickly interrupted by the vibration in my pocket. I let out a low growl as I answered my phone.

"EDWARD CULLEN, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!" Alice screamed at me from the other end.

"I bit Bella…" I began, but was cut off by a shriek and a slew of profanities from Alice.

"Edward, oh my God did you kill her? Are you okay? Is Bella changed? Is she pissed at you?" her questions all spilled out in one quick breath.

"No I didn't kill her, I'm fine, she's changed, and she ASKED for it." I responded, feeling slightly annoyed that she thought so little of me, and that I was being cockblocked right now by my sister.

"Wait, what do you mean she's changed? It should take DAYS, we just saw you this morning…it's not possible…" her voice trailed off as she waited for an explanation.

"Well she's already changed, I don't know how else to explain it," I said, as the desire to take Bella began to overtake my thoughts.

"Let me talk to her Edward," Alice demanded as if wanting to clarify for herself, what didn't she believe me? I quickly handed the phone to Bella, watching her with grace and ease as she took the phone staring at me the entire time. I could hear Alice questioning Bella, but paid little attention to their conversation, not being able to keep my eyes or my thoughts off of the woman in front of me.

Finally I was broken out of my stupor when Bella said, "Well we were kind of…being intimate when I was changed…" and I smiled, knowing that she would be blushing if she could. I noted Alice was silent on the other end as she absorbed what had just been told to her.

"No wonder why I didn't see it coming," Alice whispered, but I quickly grabbed the phone from Bella, ready to end this conversation now and get back to what we were doing.

"Bella's starving I need to take her hunting Alice, bye," hanging up the phone I never took my eyes from Bella as a slow smile came to her lips.

"I'm not hungry," she whispered, and I grinned back at her.

"Neither am I, not for food at least," I growled, before lunging at her, tackling her lips as we fell to the ground, the house giving a tiny shudder. Bella's laughter rang throughout the room, and I couldn't help but laugh with her, feeling like I could fully be myself now, and finally not having to worry about breaking her.

"I love you so much," I whispered, the atmosphere changing suddenly from lust to passion as I held her in my arms not wanting this moment to ever end.

"I love you too," she said, snuggling closer to me almost as though she could read my mind.


	17. Crescendo

Sorry guys that last chapter was kind of needed as a filler, because I figured we needed some kind of reaction. And now here's some amazing smut I've been planning for you. Kind of got part of the idea from The Submissive {if you haven't read it DO IT},

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_I wanna be your music, your drum beat, you chorus, your melody, I wanna be your music, your piano, your lyrics, your heart and soul, I wanna be your music._

_Play my like your music, your piano, your lyrics, be your heart and soul, I wanna be your music. - Alex Young_

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BPOV

We sat in Edward's room, Edward at his piano softly tapping the keys while I stared out the windows. I couldn't help but smile as I thought about the last couple of days. Edward had finally changed me, and after his initial shock he had accepted it amazingly. After Alice's erratic phone call concerned about my well being I had wondered how the rest of the Cullens would react. Yet when we arrived home they were all smiles as they welcomed me into my new permanent family. Esme even sniffled a little as non existing tears silently fell.

I was now vaguely aware that I had all the time in the world I could ever want, and I was trying to figure out how I was going to fill it. Well the days mainly, I knew what my nights would consist of. My smile must have grown exponentially as Edward stopped the soft music to stare at me.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, his eyes ablaze with curiosity.

"Just thinking about how I'm going to fill all this new time," I began, and his forehead creased momentarily, "during the day though, my nights are already full," I finished before winking seductively at him.

Since the change I had this new found confidence. Not because I thought I was gorgeous now, but because Edward had been showing me just how much he desires me at every moment of the day. The look on his face wasn't showing me any different.

"Who says your days aren't full too," he asked in a husky voice, causing my unneeded breath to hitch in my throat. Oh the effects simple words from this man had on me.

"Play me a song Mr. Piano Man," I said softly as I walked towards him. He looked up at me through thick lashes, wondering what I was scheming, but happily obliged. I was behind him than, but his fingers never slowed although I knew his adrenaline must be rushing by now.

Slowly I traced a finger across the back of his neck, and I wished I could be standing in front of him at that moment to see his face. My fingers moved up through his hair, but he never stopped playing. He wasn't wearing a shirt still from the night before, but had on only a pair of dark blue jeans. Even from behind he was a vision of perfection and sex.

The tips of my fingers worked their way across his defining back muscles, and I heard him sigh. My hands found their way to his bare chest, and my mind went blank at the feel of him. Suddenly my seduction turned against me as Edward growled and spun around quickly. He grabbed me by the waist, before spinning back around and slamming me into his piano before crushing his mouth to mine.

I nearly forgot what I was doing, his lips on mine, our tongues dancing together. He shifted us slightly and the sound of keys brought me back to my mission.

"Don't break your piano," I teased with a coy smile, pushing back against me so my back was no longer against the instrument, "we're going to need it."

I wrapped my legs around him now, sitting back on his thighs as my hand reached between us, slowly unbuttoning his jeans, never breaking eye contact with him. Of course I could have just ripped the meek fabric from his luscious body, and I wanted to, but I was trying to be gentle…for now.

"Edward," I cooed, as he stared at me, eyes masked hanging on my every movement, "play for me."

His hands left my waist as he wrapped his arms around me, to reach the keys.

"Any special requests?" he asked huskily his face mere inches away from my neck.

"Write me something new," I demanded, his eyes flashed confusion for a second, but the flame in them never faltered.

"It doesn't work that way sweetie," he said, licking his bottom lips as his eyes were now fixed on my lips.

"Let me inspire you than."

His eyes grew wide as he began to decipher what I was saying. I tucked two fingers into his jeans, feeling his erection on the back of my fingers as I slowly began to rip the fabric from his skin. He moaned, his mouth slightly ajar now as he began hitting random keys, inspiring me to continue on.

"When you stop, I stop," I whispered into his ear, licking his earlobe before leaning back again.

He began hitting more keys, a melody beginning to form. The sound overflowed with impatience and desire, as I slowly began removing the tiny blue nightie that had been barely covering my skin. I gripped his erection in my hand and he let out a gasp, his fingers stumbled momentarily on the keys.

I positioned myself over him preparing to connect us when Edward closed his eyes, to keep from stumbling I presume, but I didn't like this one bit.

"No Edward, no baby, look at me." His eyes were alight with fire as I slowly lowered myself onto him as we both hissed. Edward may have missed a note or two than but I was too lost in my own feeling in that moment to notice.

"Let me be your muse," I whispered, as I slowly began to move on him.

"You already are," he said, his voice full of passion and lust.

My lips tingled for the feel of his, but I fought off the urge not wanting to stop the beautiful music that was now floating around us. He seemed to be moving at the same tempo as our bodies, as his eyes never left mine. I had never felt more connected to him in my entire life.

I leaned back slightly as Edward pushed forward, my back now back against the piano and now not only could I feel Edward in me, but I could feel the vibrations from the notes floating around us, his hands occasionally brushing against my back as his playing never faltered. I studied Edwards face than as he had a look of concentration and pleasure on his face.

The music reached a crescendo and I couldn't help but moan out Edwards name as our bodies meshed together in a symphony of sounds.

He groaned than, his hands moving away from the piano as he placed his hands on my hips. He lifted me up laying me on the lid of the piano. He began moving slowly into me, his thighs occasionally hitting a few keys. My feet came crashing down on the keys as began moving with more determination now.

He continued to hold my stare, and it took all of my strength to keep my eyes from rolling back into my head. He looked as if he were thinking deeply as he stared at me, licking his lips. I bit my bottom lip as he picked up my legs, wrapping them around his torso. The feeling was amazing, and I nearly lost it when Edwards hands left my body entirely as his hands moved back down to the keys as he continued to play.

I don't know how he kept his pace while he played, but I wasn't questioning him now. The vibrations ran down my spine as he began thrusting into me more quickly now. The friction hitting me in new places, as I felt my panting pick up.

"Bella," he finally spoke, his voice so deep and sexy I couldn't help my eyes this time as they rolled back into my head, "I need further inspiration, touch yourself."

I groaned at his request, but my hands listened obediently as my hands began to cup my breasts, rolling my nipples between my thumb and forefingers. I continued to stare into Edwards eyes and he groaned, forcing his eyes to remain open, his fingers a flurry on the keys below us. My hand slid slowly down my stomach, and my fingers brushed up against of Edwards cock as it moved in and out of me, causing me to gasp and moan simultaneously. Feeling him inside of me like that only caused my arousal to heighten as every nerve in my body became more sensitive taking in the feel of everything.

My fingers moved to my clit as I began to rub it slowly, occasionally let my fingers brush against Edward as he moved in and out of me.

"Oh god, Bella," he groaned as I felt my own climax hit me. He crashed forward into me than his head resting on my chest, as he gasped for breath as the music finally quieted. "that was amazing," he panted smiling up at me.

"You're a great composer," I complimented as I ran my fingers through his hair loving the feel of him on me.

"I had a great muse," he countered, raising his eyebrow at me seductively causing me to stifle a giggle.

We heard a rasp on the door, and froze, hoping whoever was on the other side had enough common sense not to just walk in, and we were relieved when Esme yelled through the door, "I don't know what inspired that, but that was amazing!"

We both began laughing than, and I knew this wouldn't be the last time I would inspire Edward to compose.

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Holy crow is it hot in here? Lol. Every since I heard the song quoted in the beginning by Alex Young this scene has been playing and replaying and perfecting and I just needed to find the perfect place to fit it in.


	18. My happily ever after

BPOV

Over the next few weeks Edward taught me a lot about hunting, and I found that I had amazing self control when it came to humans. All of the Cullens were amazed when I stopped mid hunt and turned the other way. My eyes also changed to the honey brown rather quickly as well, making me look more normal than the fierce red they had begun as. Edward hope that it wouldn't be long until I could be out in public with people, the idea was pleasing.

When we weren't hunting, or making love, Edward and I would explore the surrounding forest together, and I found every aspect of it amazing. Every detail stuck out, and i appreciated every pore in every leaf and every fiber in every tree. Although all of nature seemed to sense that it was our prey, I got a bird to land on my shoulder after a few hours of standing still and talking to it, promising i wouldn't feed on the tiny creature, it than proceeded to sing to me. I had laughed in my new beautiful voice at the sound, and Edward had gaped in awe naming me the Snow White of vampires.

Today was no different as Edward and I sat in our meadow, I was lying on my back staring up into the clouds seeing what shapes I could find, as Edward sat on a stump staring at me with a smile. We were talking about all the places we could travel. It didn't bother me at all that I would have to experience most of these places as night, just the fact that I could experience them at all. Edward told me we could go to Paris, and go to the very tip top of the eiffel tower, and he could show me the amazing view. He planned to take me on boat rides, and show me amazing mountains that we could conquer. He talked of the channels we could easily swim across, being able to enjoy every aspect of travel. Everything sounded so surreal.

Edward promised we would stop by an island Carlisle had bought Esme, telling me it would be secluded and gorgeous and we could be out in the daylight. My mind was wandering to all the things I wanted to do. I laughed when Edward suggested that we could still go eat at all of the restaurants, telling him he was silly, I didn't need to experience the restaurants as well.

I watched surreptitiously as Edwards face would light up at the talk of our future. How we could build our own homes, if I didn't want to be around everyone else all the time.

"It'll be great," he babbled, staring off into the forest, "soon I can show you everything, and we can start our lives together, soon you'll be Mrs. Cullen, that is unless you want to take my birth name, or both, or whatever, and wait until we swim in the ocean you're going to love it!"

I sent out a shocked gasp and Edward stopped staring at me, "Don't worry love, the sharks our scared of us too," he said not understanding what had caught me so off guard.

"No, I'm not scared of sharks," I nearly laughed, "you said I'm going to be Mrs. Cullen soon…"

Edwards eyes went wide with fear than, "Oh sorry, just mumbling out loud. Of course we don't have to get married," he chuckled nervously.

"Shut up," I whispered, moving to his side than, running my fingers across his cheek, "of course I want to marry you Edward."

His face broke into an indescribable smile as he pulled his hand from his jacket pocket. "I hope you don't mind wearing this old thing, it was my mothers," he said softly as he opened the lid to a little velvet box.

"Edward!" my voice echoed through the trees, birds scattering into the sky after being startled by the noise, "it's perfect," I stated, as he slipped it onto my finger. I crushed my lips to his than, feeling his smile against my own lips.

He truly was my knight in shining armor.

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EPOV

I stood at the bottom of the stairs, tension high as I waited. I had waited nearly two hundred years for this moment, and I couldn't believe I would finally be getting the only thing I had ever truly desired in only a matter of minutes. The thoughts around me were jumbled, everyone trying not to give me a peak of Bella, but I wouldn't have tried to see if they let me anyway. Memories ran through my mind as I recalled all we had been through to get to this point. Although Bella was back with me, the hurt of her being gone was still fresh and I vowed to myself I would never let her go again, in anyway.

Rosalie began to play the wedding march causing me to smile forcing me back to the present, and I held my breath as an angel descended down the stairs.

Alice had decorated the wedding, that Bella had gladly handed over to her. I couldn't believe the little pixie had made this everything both Bella and I had ever dreamed of. White orchids were everywhere, their scent permeating the room. Despite the fact that the wedding was being held in the Cullen household, I couldn't help but feel we were in an entirely new place altogether.

Bella's hair was piled on her head, little ringlets accenting her face. Her white dress fit every curve to perfection, and I couldn't believe Alice had actually made this gorgeous dress. Bella looked up at me through her lashes, and I knew I was the luckiest man in the entire universe as she made her way towards me.

I was reminded of the last time she got married, and I noted how different she looked now. Not only from the change, but now her smile and delight actually reached her eyes, and I knew it was because she was walking towards me. Her eyes glittered slightly, and I knew tears should be adorning both of our faces right now.

It seemed to take an eternity before she got to me, and when she did Carlisle placed her hand in mine, her second father giving her away to me. I beamed at Carlisle, his love and pride for emanating through his eyes, and I smiled back, hoping he saw the thanks from me for always being there, and truly being like my own father.

My attention turned back to Bella now as I saw her face to face. My breath caught in my throat and I wasn't sure how I was going to find the breath or the ability to say my vows, but when my time came I knew everything I wanted to tell her.

My vows were long as I promised her an eternity of happiness and experience, adding in details from our past letting her know she was always what I had wanted and she always would be. She waited patiently as I spilled my guts to her, but when it came her time all she said was five simple words to me, that would stick with me for the rest of time.

"You're all I need now."

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Yes sorry guys this is the end {epi to come} sorry this was kind of short but I don't do wedding details, I figure all of us woman have our own views on what we want our wedding to look like so you can put yourself in, picturing what you want!


	19. Epilogue: 100 Years Later

BPOV

I looked up at the clock, it was almost midnight and I smiled knowing Edward would be home soon. He had gone out hunting earlier, and usually we would go together but I had convinced Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle to take him out for some guy time.

Little did he know I was planning a surprise for him. I wondered briefly if he would remember, but Edward always remembered, and usually he was the first one to give me my gift, but this year I wanted to be first, I had to be first. It was a special occasion, it was our 100th anniversary.

Alice had helped me set up everything, and than she, Esme, and Rose were going to meet the boys and go do something else. Anything else that kept them from the house.

Alice peeked her head in briefly, checking to see if I was ready and letting me know they were about to leave. I smiled at her and felt the butterflies begin in my stomach. Even after a hundred years together the thought of seeing Edward still made me anxious.

I checked my reflection, patting down my perfect hair, before taking a deep breath.

"Jesus Bella, get a hold of yourself, it's just Edward," I told my reflection, but my anticipation only heightened, as I heard Jasper and Emmett loudly approach the house.

"Oh shit, I forgot something…" Emmett said before Jasper threw in, "I'll help you look for it," as they both dashed off. I knew Edward would be confused by their actions, but prayed that he wouldn't follow them.

I heard the entry door open and held my breath, the house was entirely dark except for candles that were lit throughout every room. I clicked the button to the intercom.

"Edward baby, happy anniversary," I allowed my voice to sound seductive. I hoped he would like this game, and not try to rush to find me. "Come find me," I whispered, before clicking the intercom back off as I settled back on the couch.

I could hear Edward trying to silently move through the house as I felt my dead pulse race. Doors softly clicked shut, I smiled to myself as I heard him gasp, I had ceremoniously thrown pieces of clothing in every room, knowing Edward would be even more turned idea with the thought that I was waiting for him completely nude. I knew he would be taking his time looking through every room, but he knew where to find me.

I could feel Edward coming closer seconds before the door slightly opened, his head slowly peeked through the crack as he smiled that adorable crooked grin at me, as his eyes took in my naked body laid out for him. I could feel my chest heaving with every unneeded breath I took, and I knew he could smell my arousal, and I didn't fail to notice his, even through his khaki pants.

He looked delicious in a button up white shirt, with those khaki pants, and I couldn't wait to rip the clothes from his skin. He smiled at me as if he could read my thoughts, egging me on to come and get him. But I had other plans in store for him, so instead he played my little game.

"Why Isabella, I see you've been busy," he remarked at the sight of me, the sound of his voice tying knots in my stomach. He had started calling me Isabella since our honeymoon, and it was how I knew when he was feeling…frisky. Just hearing him say my full name was enough to stir my arousal, and now it only added fuel to my fire.

I swallowed hard as I stared at him, "Edward," I purred, dipping my brush into the paint on my palette. I had taken up recently, dabbling in new things.

"Do you need a little inspiration?" he asked naughtily, as I rose to my feet walking towards him, grabbing the fabric of his shirt in my hands. I ripped it open, pushing it to the floor.

"No," I demanded before running the cool bristles across Edward's chest, "I ran out of paper."

His breath hitched at the feel of the paint on his skin, as I continued to paint my greatest masterpiece of all. He stood completely still as I lathered color after color onto his perfect body. I placed blue and green on his abdomen, covering his pecks in purple. I lathered red down his thighs, along with a little white and orange. I put every color of the rainbow on his arms, and repeated the same procedure on his back. I was almost finished, placing the brush and palette down on the table I looked up at him, his eyes hooded as he stared back at me waiting for me to make my next move.

"Now to make this perfect," I whispered, moving my own naked figure to his. I began inching towards Edward until our noses were nearly touching. "This has to be done just so, or it won't come out right."

He shuddered at the feel of my breath on his face, as I suddenly flung myself on him full force. We crashed to floor as our bodies began writhing and meshing together as one. The paint covering Edwards body was now transferring to mine as he thrust into me.

I screamed out in ecstasy as we changed positions on the floor. He took me from behind, we rolled around endlessly, exploring one anothers body as if it were out first time. We didn't stop at our first orgasms as we continued on, paint being flung everywhere by our covered bodies.

It took us nearly four hours to finish my masterpiece. Edward lay with his head against the floor panting as he stared up at the ceiling a sly smile on his face, the paint had dried long ago by that point.

"That was amazing, but I wish we could've captured it in a painting for real for you Bella," he said, turning his head to face me.

"We did," I said, smiling at his confused look, "The floor is a huge canvas Edward, our every move is marked."

He sat up suddenly than staring down at the beautiful abstract art our bodies had just made.

"You're right," he agreed, "this is your best work yet."

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Haha don't know what counts as an epilogue but I figured you would all be glad to know Edward and Bella are just as happy and frisky as ever, and still dabbling with their creative juices! I shall miss you all, but hopefully you'll give my new story a chance when I get it up!


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